Articles

Hi there Dr. Betty,

I'm in my mid 20's & for various reasons I'm still a virgin. This may sound like a stupid question but would a guy be able to tell I was a virgin when I have sex for the first time? Would it be obvious or am I better off telling him - being a virgin in your mid 20's makes you seem a bit like an anti social freak.

Thanks, D

Dear D,

Today there are many young men and women in their twenties who have yet to experience partnersex. Your generation has been raised on the idea that sex equals death. The fear of catching some deadly sexually-transmitted disease. Next is the government funding abstinence until marriage programs which withholds sex information and education about safer sex and condom use. So you are not an anti-social freak by any means. You are a victim of the Bush Administration's war on sex.

If you have been masturbating with some form of clitoral stimulation that gives you orgasms, you are sexually healthy. As for a guy being able to tell you've never had penetration sex, it all depends.

If you've been masturbating with a dildo approximately the size of the average erect penis (5 to 6 inches), have your birth control in place and know about using additional lubrication for penetration, then a man would never know it's your first time unless you tell him.

However, if you have not used your vagina during masturbation then the muscles will be tight. You might even have a hymen covering part of the vaginal opening. First time intercourse under those circumstances can be painful.

Get my book "Orgasms for Two" where I talk about preparing for first time penetration. Also go to the topics on the left hand side of the page and read up on the PC muscle which will help you learn how to relax your vaginal muscle. Then get back to me share the good news.

Betty