Articles

Hurricane Sandy decided to crash our Bodysex workshop. Three women had to cancel because they didn't want to get stuck in New York. We were down to six women - eight total with Betty and me in the circle. I decided not to listen to one more weather report...we were going to move forward with the workshop.

This group was going to be unique. A writer from New York magazine heard we were having a workshop and pitched the idea of writing an article about her experience. They bit. Betty freaked. I lobbied...Betty consented (that's kind of how most things happen at D&R).

Back in the 80's, Playboy sent a journalist undercover to write about the workshops. It wasn't flattering. They didn't get it. That's how I got Betty to let Rose in the group - "Betty, this will be the first time the Bodysex groups are covered the right way in a national magazine. She gets you. It will be great".

When I got to Betty's Saturday morning, she wasn't happy about having a photographer there to take pictures and she didn't want to do an interview pre-group. I assured her that the photographer would be in and out before the women got there. And we had to do the interview to put the groups in the right context.

These groups grew out of the consciousness raising groups of the feminist movement. Women would get together and talk first person about their experience. Betty decided that she wanted to do physical and sexual consciousness raising. That's why the groups start with each woman answering the question: how do you feel about your body...how do you feel about your orgasm?

Our writer was nervous. I wondered if we'd make the right decision in opening up the group to a journalist. During Betty's interview, I jumped in here and there to keep Betty on track. When Betty doesn't want to do something, she goes off on tangents. She had to get Betty's history right: artist painting the nude gets swept up in the Sexual Revolution - confronts the sexual double standard - gets political - becomes a feminist - writes a manifesto - starts teaching women how to orgasm (Love Picture exhibition - Liberating Masturbation - Bodysex Workshops).

The photographer loved the room. She started snapping photos of the circle. Betty's apartment is like a womb. You come in the front door and there's this long foray with windows on one side and hooks to hang your clothes on the wall. You undress and then you step down into the living room...into the circle. The room is almost a perfect square. And you can shut the door to the foray and the door to the rest of the apartment and seal the room. One of the women remarked yesterday that she wanted to recreate the room in her apartment. There is something special about the space. Maybe it's 25 years of orgasms...if those walls could talk.

Betty says that every group is special...all the women are amazing. In our first group, there were several younger women who were pre-orgasmic. The energy felt more maternal. In this group, we had two birth doulas, a planned parenthood counselor, and our new intern. The energy felt more collegial. These women were all educators in their own way. It really felt like we were in a sacred temple sharing our experiences in the nude...sharing our true selves.

There are so many moments, so many visuals that I want to share. It's kind of overwhelming to sort it all out into a cohesive narrative. Sitting here trying to weave them all together is daunting. Here's what I loved most.

Jade. Our intern from South Africa is only here for 3 weeks. When we first met at my place, she shared that she wasn't sure if she'd ever had an orgasm. She wants to be a hands-on sex coach and we teach what we know. I sent Jade an email and described what we expected from her during her internship: she was going to learn how to give herself an orgasm.

During erotic recess, most of the women had orgasms (I had two orgasms and rode the wave of aftershocks for over an hour). After one big orgasm on my back, I heard Jade start to breath heavy and moan. I rolled up so I could see her. Watching a woman have a real orgasm is the most beautiful thing in the world. The build up...the sounds going more guttural...the uncontrollable shaking. She came so big that she rolled over on her side and passed out. Later on she shared that she'd seen god. Her exact words, "God is in orgasm". I'm so proud of our intern.

Betty. During filming of our bodysex film, Betty didn't orgasm. She was upset about it - she orgasmed during SelfLoving. And it was hard for her to accept the image of her 84 year old body in HD. She fell into a slight depression after we wrapped.

She didn't orgasm during our first workshop. The cameras hadn't blocked her orgasm after all. She was frustrated and shared, "I don't think I can orgasm in group anymore". Aging isn't for the faint of heart. She was sad. I was sad...until yesterday. Betty was to my right on her back. I kept looking over at her between orgasms to see how she was doing. I looked over and there was this smile on her face. Maybe it was the 70's rock 'n roll playing in the background but she was in a different place.

She had a couple of little autonomic shocks. Then she started moaning in delight. I heard an audible "yeah" and bam she orgasmed. It was so wonderful to see that smile of her face...to hear her laugh in delight. Several of the other women laughed after their orgasms. You can't fake that sort of joy - that's why it's so beautiful to behold.

After her orgasm, Betty announced, "lift your ass off the floor and dance with the music". We all lifted our asses up off the floor with our vibrators on our clits and danced together. It was so fun - I had two huge orgasms.

I can't wait for our next group, to meet the women and share my experience here with you. Each is so unique. I understand why Betty ran Bodysex groups for 25 years - they're addictive. After group massage, one of the women asked why we started holding workshops again after all these years. I thought a moment and replied, "we started doing them again for Betty because she loves them so much".

I'm going to keep this amazing woman on the planet for as long as I can. Thank you to all the women in our group and their vulvas:

Petals
Tiger
Roxy
Lola aka Rascal
Sophia
Alma
Clitty Anne