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Dear Dr. Betty,

My name is F and I'm 16 years old and currently in High School. Since I discovered your site at 14, I have have the best sex education I could ever recieve. I am now a sex-positive feminist and I want to be sexologist!

But I need some advice.

I haven't made my sexual debut.(I hate the word virginity.) I have masturbated since I was a little girl, and since having sex with myself I have learned so much. What I like,what I don't like and I feel very good about myself and have no sexual hangups. Currently I'm single and have no interest in being in a relationship (I'm young and have my whole life for realtionships, plus I don't really believe in monogamy.) I would like to have sex or even manual sex (Safe sex of course.) Just not the relationship.

I thought about Friends with Benefits, I think it's a good idea, its just people think sex equates with love and it doesn't. I know that for sure and I consider myself mature in the sense that sex and love don't have to mix. I would just like to know your thoughts on the subject and what you think about it. To me as long as both people respect each other and their boundries and communicate and understand what their about to do, I think it could work.

Dear F,

I'm thrilled to hear from so many teen girls with such intelligent sex positive ideals and healthy approaches to how to have sex with a partner. I used to say "sexual friends" back in the 70's. That's very close to having "friends with benefits." For the most part, when we say "in love" it can mean a million different things to different people. Your statement is a good definition of what I believed back then and also today: "as long as both people respect each other and their boundaries and communicate and understand what their about to do, I think it could work." Yes, I agree. And I couldn't have said it any better.

For additional clarity. Once we have sex with a person, we are in a "relationship" what follows that is to describe what kind. The intense romantic version that includes commitment and fidelity is way too intense before we have any sexual experiences. We don't really know who we are or what we want in the long run. But this version protects a man from being judged by a sexually knowledgeable woman. I believe this at the core of our sexual double standard: We honor a mans sexual experiences and expect women to hold off on having a "sexual debut". (Yes, a better term than "virgin" which originally meant a woman who had taken a vow not to marry as in "vestal virgins.")

Once we become aware of this, we can support both sexes to engage in safe sex exploration which I believe is essential for our sexual health and growth. You are well on your way. We need clear headed thinkers like you to embrace a career of sex education for our unhappy population. They are struggling to keep sex alive in stifling oppressed marriages that are too restrictive. Therefor we have a society with all kinds of sexual infidelity, lying and cheating and it's nobodies fault. It's our system that doesn't work because it's still based upon Biblical times that are long gone and allow me to add, long overdue.

I suspect the new sexual intelligence I see emerging is a direct result of our Internet that allows smart kids to search and find answers online. It's the most hopeful aspect of our sexually confused society today. I applaud your sexual philosophy. The world needs more informed young people like you.

Dr. Betty