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The final ritual we do in the workshops is to have the women sit Indian style on the floor right next to each other in a small circle. We all hold hands and Betty has us make eye contact with each woman – then we each choose one word and share it with the group. For me, this past weekend was about “gratitude”.

When Betty and I chose our summer dates, I had no idea if I was going to be able to pull it off with a baby in the back room. There aren’t any babies in my family so I had no way of knowing whether a three month old could handle leaving the house by 10am and coming home at 8pm. And I didn’t know how it would affect the women’s experience. So when one of the women asked if she could bring her baby too, I instinctively said yes and crossed my fingers (we were both pregnant and looking ahead).

There we were with two babies only a few weeks apart in age and both boys. They were the first and the last men to ever make it into the circle. Since our mom is seeking certification to run her own workshops in Quebec, she arrived early on Day 1 to do her interview. We snapped this pic of her baby sucking on my big toe with Grayson…beyond adorable.

We had several therapists in the circle and there was a sense of peace in the room right from the start. Betty was teaching hands-on like she always has and it was gratifying to watch her share her deep understanding of the body and orgasm. Women teaching women about sexuality and body acceptance is so powerful. This is the rite of passage every teen girl should experience before she shares her sexuality with another person.

I don’t think you can fully describe what happens during genital show & tell. You really have to have the experience to understand its value. As I nursed Grayson, I noticed that one of the women was softly crying as she got up and left the room. She could have wanted space and some time alone before her share so I didn’t rush in. I decided to wait five minutes and, if she didn’t come back in, then I’d go find her. With that thought, one of the other women walked back into the room and let me know that she’d seen her leave the room and offered her some comforting words. When they were both back in the room again, they sat next to each other holding hands.

This isn’t how women are expected to behave in the real world. There was no competition…no caddiness….just genuine regard for someone who was a total stranger two hours ago. I asked if she wanted to go next so she could move through the emotion. As she displayed her vulva with Betty sitting next to her, she shared that we were the first people other than her doctor to view her genitals. We were honored and I think that “her” vulnerability bonded this group in a way no other has in the past.

On Day 2 when we went around the circle, I was struck by the weight of motherhood and how it affects us as women. Just like orgasm it’s shrouded in myths that undermine our self-esteem. One of the women shared how having a c-section made her feel like less of a woman, like her body didn’t work. She didn’t even realize that it was weighing on her until she sat in the circle. I felt the same way. How could I not have a vaginal birth when I have wide hips, orgasms galore, and a healthy pc muscle? We compared scars and I showed her how mine was much longer. We decided to let go of our sense of failure and appreciate our bodies.

Our certification mom described how she was having issues with vaginal lubrication post-birth. Day 1 she was dry but, sitting in the circle at this moment, she was wet. And that’s when it hit me that the same thing happened to me. Post-birth I made it a point to masturbate and penetrate myself to prepare for sex but I didn’t feel sexy. I felt tired. I felt worn out. But, during our first workshop, I found myself lubricating and by erotic recess I was ready to get back to me, back to my sensuality.

I needed to be surrounded by other women, to feel their support in order to heal. Here I am completing my healing during erotic recess.

Two of the women in this past weekend’s workshop want to move forward with certification. We’ll be adding Norway and London to the list, 8 countries and 6 states where women can experience bodysex *tingles*

Can you imagine what the world would be like if young girls were initiated into their sensuality in the workshops and all women post-birth, post-cancer, post-trauma regained their sensuality in the circle? I can…so I’m holding that image of bodysex worldwide.

Thank you
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