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Last weekend’s fall Bodysex retreat began with Patti and I greeting each of the women naked as they arrived, and asking them to undress. Having been a Bodysex participant myself – before becoming a facilitator – I understood very well the look of fear and nervousness on most of their faces. Arms crossed, eyes down and some holding back tears, the women made their way to the circle and sat down.

The circle begins with the sharing of our “honest “I’s” – stories and feelings that we carry about our bodies and our sexuality that are our own and no one else’s. I think of these stories as invisible layers that hang over us. Sometimes while sharing a story I realize that it isn’t even my own – and with this understanding I can choose whether I want it to stay with me – or to let it go in the circle. Whichever way I choose, it can mean one less layer of covering. As the women took their turns to speak, I was struck at first by the bravery it takes to share and secondly by the acceptance and love that was reflected back on the faces of each and every other woman in the circle.

With this shared acceptance, the women appeared to soften – relaxing their shoulders, melting a bit into their spot in the circle and allowing their legs to open and lay comfortably. In this particular group – for whatever reason – this process seemed to happen very quickly.

With relaxed bodies and true curiosity, we moved into what I consider to be the most intimate part of the workshop – the genital show and tell. Guiding each woman through her turn to look at, show, and finally name her vulva – we marvelled at the individual beauty, diversity and difference in colours.

As the sun was setting and our first day workshop hours over, I let the women know that they were now welcome to get dressed if they wanted to. In stark contrast to only 5 hours earlier when most seemed scared to be naked – no one was in a great rush to get their clothes back on. In fact some of the women hardly got dressed again for the rest of the weekend.

As we continued to bond and share into that first night and second day, acceptance of ourselves and each other became more and more apparent.

With this newfound acceptance, pleasure was celebrated in many ways:

Being cooked for, eating delicious meals together, being naked, orgasming, farting ( “OMG I orgasmed and a fart came out!”), belly laughing, walking the trails, energy treatments, gifts of essential oils, naked yoga, henna body art, laying under a quilt lovingly made by another sister, hair braiding, cheering our way through an old porn dvd, sharing more stories, holding space for tears when they fell, singing to each other, group massage and encouragement to “just go for three!”

We were active participants in our own pleasure with masturbation circles happening during the second day, as part of the workshop, and spontaneously initiated by women at night by the fire. Some women chose to orgasm both inside and outside of the retreat centre – in rooms alone and rooms with others. Masturbation became so normal that no one even blinked an eye at the sound down the hallway of another woman cumming.

Betty Dodson, the grandmother of masturbation, the woman who created these circles and the one who trained me, says that “Body sex is about letting go of shame and celebrating pleasure.”

Well Betty, I say: “We celebrated well.”

Thank you to my “engorgeous” sisters: Oakley, Flying squirrel, Buzz Lightyear (“to infinity and beyond!), Merridah, Vina, Nightingale, Moonstone, Chandelier, Sunset, Shakira and heart.