Sharing Orgasms Keeps Our Partnership Going

Carlin Ross

Submitted on Wed, 10/25/2017 - 18:12

Last June we announced Betty's retirement from Bodysex. A few months went by and we started having second thoughts. The groups feed Betty...emotionally...intellectually...sexually. The retreat really solidified our decision: we'd run groups in the Fall.

When your business partner is 88 years old, you know that they'll be a moment, a passing of the torch. You cling to denial but can't escape the reality of aging. When I look at our old youtube clips, I can see how I've aged over 9 years. So many things have changed and so many things have stayed the same. Our relationship has grown so deep that it transcends "family".

We had women from Israel, Canada, Tennessee, Massachusetts and Oklahoma. It was a small group which I thought would be best since we haven't run a group in several months. The mornings before the workshops is really the only quality Betty/Carlin time now that I have an active toddler. We have breakfast...talk business...joke and laugh. There has been a change in Betty. She's happy, content with less ire and more understanding that I attribute to age. Your ability as a teacher improves with time - there's this threshold you cross when you're approaching 90. It's beautiful to witness and it inspires me to continue Betty's work because it feeds your soul.

I wish we could record the group shares because they're a reflection of our rape culture: the sexual double standard, the slut stigma, negative body image and sexual abuse are replete in all our stories. There hasn't been a woman who feels great about her body, understands the depths of her orgasm, and enjoys sexual freedom. Sexual equality just doesn't exist for us...yet.

Woman coming forward and naming their accusers, writing op eds that get CEOs fired - that's the first step. Then we need to educate young women about their bodies and their orgasm. We need to sit in circles with our sisters and heal ourselves so we can heal the world. It has never been so clear to me.

At the end of Day 1, Betty looked at me and said, "you know you're running the group". I was going to correct her but knew she was right. Betty holds the space and I run the workshop. Somehow you think the passing of the torch will be more...climatic. It was so subtle that I almost didn't notice it. There has been a shift in our relationship, in our work, and it feels right. We will continue to run groups until Betty leaves the planet. They'll be smaller in size and I'll do the heavy lifting but Betty will be present guiding us. This transition was effortless and organic just like the beginning of our relationship.

A few weeks ago, Betty described how she looks forward to sharing orgasms during erotic recess, that it keeps our partnership going and I think she's right. We laid side by side riding each others orgasm waves for over an hour. I can't think of a greater truth than pleasure. I love to look over and watch her smile in ecstasy before she opens her eyes and meets my gaze. The feeling of connection and love wash over me - the other women have to feel it too.

This time we sat out during group massage, kept time and chatted while the women took turns practicing non-sexual touch. Several of the women said that this was their favorite ritual of the weekend. The images are so powerful that I shared my desire to take some pictures. Immediately, they all agreed and Betty set up the shot.