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Dear Betty,

Firstly, I love and celebrate what you do to free and empower women!

I have a query. I am 49, in perimenopause, with erratic periods, sometimes quite heavy and other times non-existent. I am not on the pill or any supplements. I orgasm easily, both through sex and masturbation, which I have done for forty years now. I have sex about once a week with my husband and have long had the habit of masturbating once or twice a week, which used to be enough. However, of late, I feel sexually aroused nearly all the time, to the extent that it sometimes stops me from being able to get on with work. It is as if nipples, my clit, my vulva and my vagina had a will of their own.

Of late, I need to masturbate once or twice, sometimes even three times a day and it feels like each time I come, my pussy swells up again and becomes incredibly sensitive and aroused within an hour or two. I wake up sexually aroused and I spend a lot of the day with high levels of sexual tension. Is there a reason for this? I am otherwise very active, work full-time, have a family and am very busy.

I have to say I love the feelings, but am wondering why I am feeling so much sexier than ever before now. Why is this? Will it last? And if so, what does it say about the sexuality of older women?

Thanks,
Passion

Dear Passion,

What an appropriate name. My guess it that as we get closer to menopause, our hormones can surge. Maybe it's Mother Nature's way of pumping out one more baby so we feel super sexy. Unfortunately it doesn't last.

Some women experience these hormonal surges as "those awful hot flashes" while others find themselves feeling turned on. I used to call my hot flashes mini-heat orgasms. At the time, I had no idea what was going on. I'd simply stop what I was doing, relax and breathe into the lovely sensation of heat rising from my belly ending in a mist of sweat on my upper lip. At the time I had no idea my periods were ending. This only lasted about a year and then it was all over.

One idea is that women who have enjoyed a full orgasmic sex life might be the ones to experience an increase in sexual interest just before menopause but no studies have been done on this. We know so little about female sexual response including our sexual plumbing and what happens as we age. Just enjoy this delightful phase that unfortunately will not last.

Dr. Betty

Dear Betty,

Thanks so much for your reply. I had not known that 'hot flashes' could be so localized on erogenous zones and so sexy. My mother always spoke of them as being deeply unpleasant. It's nice to think of them as mini heat orgasms!

Thanks a million for the wonderful work you do to bring our vulvas and our sexuality as women to light!

Passion