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First of all, I just wanted to say thanks. Before I started following your website I thought I was incapable of having orgasms because I couldn't come from manual stimulation, but now I'm having them regularly with my vibrator.

I am a twenty year old woman and have been with my boyfriend for about three years now. Vaginal penetration is rarely comfortable for me. The problem isn't that he's hitting my cervix, rather, I feel stretching and chafing at the very opening of my vagina. We use lots of lube and have tried different kinds but the problem persists. He waits until I'm totally aroused and wet and enters very slowly. His penis isn't huge , so that's not it either.

What happens is that initial penetration is slightly uncomfortable and difficult, but after a couple of minutes I get used to it and it feels fine. Then after another five or so minutes, I start to chafe and it eventually becomes so uncomfortable that we have to stop. This is frustrating for me because I really want to be able to enjoy penetration. I would love to have him fuck me while I use my vibrator on myself without the chafing killing the mood. The strange thing is that it's only the very opening of my vagina that is uncomfortable. I was thinking that it could be my hymen, which still seems to be in place (in fact it does not look or feel that much smaller than it did before I started having sex). If so, why didn't it stretch or break long ago?

Dear F,

You have actually dealt with everything I would have asked you to consider. Other than it might be an especially tough hymen, you may have what is called "vulvodynia" which is a some kind of nerve disorder that continues to mystify science. Read up on it. Below is what I got from Google.

"A. Burning sensations are most common, however, the type and severity of symptoms experienced are highly individualized. Some women describe their pain as stinging irritation or rawness. Vulvodynia may be constant or intermittent, [concentrated on one area or spread out]. The two major subsets of the condition, dysesthetic vulvodynia and vulvar vestibulitis syndrome (VVS), are quite different."

There are books that deal with this subject. One of the best is Dr. Elizabeth Stuart. Her V book is very informative. Don't lose heart. If nothing else, you can use some kind of numbing cream just on the opening of your vagina. It wouldn't interfere with your clitoral stimulation. Keep me posted on your progress.

Dr. Betty