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Hello Dr. Betty,

I have a question I am 46 and have been having issues with intimacy with me. I have befriended a woman in her 40's we get a long well she is a lesbian and I am comfortable with her and I have been having vivid dreams about being with her sexually, we have gone to events relating to the lifestyle and I have been feeling very sexual because of them. Exploring my sexual feeling as a women nothing has happened.

I do enjoy the company of men but when it comes to sex I get anxious and don't feel at ease. She says that "we are friends" and you are not gay and feels she is introduced me to the lifestyle and it's a phase because I am not comfortable with myself that is why I am comfortable with her. It makes me very said when she says this because I feel she doesn't want to be around me because we are friends and she has expressed to me that she likes me a lot but the fact I am not gay she rather be friends.

I am very sad because of this I don't feel comfortable with any of my other female friends. I don't know what to do. I am not sure If I am bicurious or bisexual. I feel she is pushing me away because she doesn't want to be with me because of her feelings for me.

M

Dear M,

What you need to do is be honest with her. Let her know you have sexual feelings for her that you would like to explore. Forget about labels, bi this or hetro-that. You are a sexual woman who is attracted to another woman.  It seems obvious to me that telling her how you honestly feel would result in the two of you having sex together.

After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Many heterosexual women have discovered sex with another woman works perfectly for them. So I expect your next email to be filled with a glowing report about how much pleasure you had with your new sexual girlfriend.

Dr. Betty