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Dear Betty,

I'm coming at the open relationship thing from an opposite angle from the common question. A close friend of mine is open with her boyfriend and is interested in me to an extent. I'd take her up on it but I am confronted by two insecurities: I'm far less experienced than him and I don't want to strain anything because I don't know the exact boundaries in their openness.

You seem knowledgeable on how this works, but the articles on this site tend to confront openness from the partners' side rather than the fling's side.

Thanks.

Dear G,

Your first insecurity of being "less experienced than her current partner" will be addressed if you accept her invitation and are open for her to guide you in what she likes or prefers in sex. For instance asking how she likes to have her clitoris touched is a winner in my books. However, some women prefer not to discuss sex while it's happening. If you sense any discomfort. you can ask questions before or after you've had sex.

As for "not wanting to strain anything because "I don't know the exact boundaries in their openness" do not try to read her mind. Simply ask that question before you have sex with her. Better yet, the three of you could discuss this together. That's how we did back in the 70's but that's long before the Poly community was around. It seems today, there are many more rules and regulations for having more than one lover, so it will depend on the people involved. As always the answer is communicate, communicate, communicate. Good luck.

Dr. Betty