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Dear Betty,

i am a 54 yr old (actually 54 years young)woman,mother of three grown up kids.  I am a fitness instructor and in a wonderful relationship with the father of my kids for the past 25 yrs; i have never much orgasmed through penetration (apart with dildos) but i always had through masturbation or clit stimulation; alas now im into the menopause my libido has dropped to zero and so have my orgasms.

i would like to add that i am very proud by the way i look, i am of a lean and muscular disposition due to my job and usually people think i am much younger than my real age, such is my disposition to life and my looks...

i have always been very sexual and sought after by men and women alike and my husband is loving and always full of admiration for me..we have a regular sex life, but apart that i have to use tons of lubes, i don't get aroused much anymore...i tried all natural products under the sun (yohimbe,maca,tribulus,dong-quai,DHEA,and even testosterone pills and cream...) but with very little results..of course i try to enjoy sex "for the sake of it" and "in loving memory" of what it was before...but...is this God's way to tell me to call it a day on my sex fulfillment and orgasms?

I also tried looking at porn or having sexual fantasies hoping to "get wet"...but....so now i've decided to just go with the flow...and ...que sera sera...any advice for me dear Betty? any words of wisdom from you will be greatly appreciated.

Dear Y,

Depending upon each woman, men-on-pause can manifest itself in many different ways. It can signal the end of penetration sex, or become the hottest sex phase of our lives as we no longer need to bother with birth control. What freedom.

Since the age of 40, I have never been a big lubricator so I have always used extra lubrication for both masturbation and sex with a partner. Like most of us, I too went through the "Ouch, penetration is painful" period. I'm sending you a link describing how I dealt with it. I went on to have the hottest sex with a much younger partner throughout the decade of my seventies: The youth of old age! So the best is yet to come and come and come.

Dr. Betty