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I’m 47 and very sexual. I have been all my sexual life. I got married when I was 21. I have two kids. All my married life I have never been able to have an orgasm without using a vibrator. Over the 27 years that I have been married, I have tried to get my husband to learn how to please me.

I do masturbate, but only using the vibrator not my fingers, I have tried but can’t seem to get anywhere. This year by reading books I found out where my pee come out. I didn’t feel I was that clueless but guess I am. In the last few months I finally got my husband to learn how to give me oral. He has in the past but it didn't do much for me.

I brought the Eros therapy and can tell a big different. My problem is I have a hard time letting go. I can feel myself getting close when my husband give me oral, I can feel myself getting close from my lover when he is inside me. I can get close when I am using the vibrator by myself. I have had this problem for 30 years. So I know it not because I'm getting older. It is getting harder for me to come. I can feel myself get tense. My body will go stiff. I try to relax, I try to breath. I can feel I am one step away from orgasm, but my body will shut down. I have to stop for a second and try again. Sometime it hard to get back to where I was. I lose the spot.

Since I found the Eros Therapy, and my husband has gotten better at Oral, I still have to use the vibrator to finish. The orgasm are mind blowing. I have been seeing a lover for 4 months. He is bigger in size then my husband and the love making is so different. He is an older man, and our love making will last for hours. Since he is bigger I can feel him inside, I can't my husband. Even with my lover and using the Eros plus vibrator I still have a hard time having an orgasm with him. My husband can almost bring me to orgasm by oral, my lover can almost bring me to orgasm by being inside me.

I want to let go but can't seem to get there. I have tried music which seem to help. I am also seeing a sex therapy who told me about your site. My question is, I can have an orgasm with the vibrator but I want to learn how to without. I have been using one for 27 years and I want to get rid of it. I would not mind using it once in a while. I want to share my orgasm with my lover and husband, I can cum with my husband inside while using the sex toy but it’s hard and takes me so long he loses his erections. I so want to share this the two men in my life. I want them to have a hand in helping me get over this small hill. I feel I’m missing one small puzzle piece.

Dear L,

I don't understand why women who are successfully using a vibrator want to get rid of it so their partner can give them an orgasm. It appears to be some kind of a delayed form of romantic love sickness where women really do want to be a sleeping beauty waiting to be awakened by her prince. To make these changes at 47 and come off a vibrator seems hardly worth the effort even if it might work (which is very doubtful). I teach women to combine clitoral stimulation using a
vibrator they control while their partners focus on vaginal penetration. My last heterosexual affair is detailed in my e-book "Orgasms for Two" where I discuss the best sex positions for
partnersex when a woman uses a vibrator.

I checked out the Eros Therapy device and I can already figure they charged way too much for a bit of plastic with an electric suction cup! The last "device" the medical professionals came up with sold for a ridiculously high price. It did something similar. .. offering some suction for the clitoris. BFD!

Your idea of "letting go" is not how we function sexually. Having an orgasm is not about relaxing either. It's an athletic process that keeps you breathing and moving until your body takes over and releases the sexual tension with an orgasm. I recommend women take up to an hour to get fully aroused and then have an orgasm or two. We can't time our process to that of men who can easily get off in a matter of minutes!

If you were 27 I might consider this endeavor of yours to come from lover boys touch more realistic. But as you get closer to 50, your hormone levels will be dropping as menopause comes on which really does create many changes for us. Read more around the website and look at some of the streaming DVD's of women having orgasms that are all so unique with their different approaches to pleasure.

Dr. Betty