I'd Rather Penetrate Than be Penetrated
Dear Dr. Betty,
I was recently talking to a friend of mine and was telling him something that I really hadn't talked to anyone about before. I am a 20 year old student, I define as lesbian, I masturbate via clitoral stimulation only, and have never been intimate with another person.
After having thought about my feelings for quite some time, I admitted to him that I am comfortable with the idea of performing sex acts on another woman but not with the idea of receiving them. Even in my fantasies, I am able to picture myself pleasuring another woman but whenever I try to picture myself being pleasured, or worse, penetrated, I become ridiculously frightened and stop. The weirdest thing was that my friend said that he'd heard that sort of sentiment from a lot of lesbians.
I sort of took solace in this statement even though I think he's probably incorrect. I'd just like some advice for how to pass that fence that has come up... it probably won't do me much good when I finally am in a relationship.
Many lesbians are into vaginal penetration and some love to fuck their girlfriends with a strap-on penis. It's very hot. Those lesbians that avoid it usually have had some bad experience in the past of being penetrated by force. Instead of trying to figure out why you fear penetration, I would suggest you practice using your own finger inside your vagina when you are turned on during masturbation.
Once you can feel comfortable doing yourself, it's not such a big leap to allow a girlfriend to penetrate you. I'm quite fond of including vaginal penetration during clitoral stimulation when I masturbate. It really helps me to remember to use my pelvic floor muscles while I stimulate my clitoris. Remember, masturbation is the foundation for all human sexual activity. So expand you pleasures. You might want to read and follow my step by step process for self-loving.