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Betty,

I appreciate your straight forward, candid approach of breaking down all these barriers and just putting it out there like it is.

So as I am discovering, I am one of the more rare here. I will be 50 in a few days and just recently discovered the benefits and joys of enjoying myself. I have been married close to 30 years to the same man, only sexual partner, several children and never once had solo sex. Such practices were taboo growing up, it is probably the reason for having to deal with so many issues of low self esteem, poor relationship skills etc.

To cut to the chase. My husband and sexual partner of almost three decades is no longer capable of having sexual relations due to health reasons. Not only is there no more sex, but he has no desire to even help me with my sexual frustrations. For several years I had accepted the notion that my sex life was over :( until one day I decided enough and that it was time to discover myself. Problem was, I brought Into my self pleasuring experiences much guilt from a totally negative past belief system. I am still dealing with it. Guilt from the past, guilt that I am enjoying my body, but my partner can't anymore.

At the time, I seriously am enjoying the experience even though I consider myself totally new to all this....I know, 50 years old! Not only am I really liking this self sex, but I have found it to be liberating, freeing, with no outward expectations....I am almost ashamed to say that it is the best sex that I have ever had....I know, I know those negative instilled ideas in me that I am trying to put off. I finally got the courage to talk to a counselor that I have been seeing for a while now. Thankfully, she was very open to talk about all this and gave me some great advice....more importantly, I finally talked openly about it to another female. It was such a liberating conversation. She's great.

So here are my questions as a newbie at 50. 1) I am finding that I am wanting to self indulge in my new found pleasure at least two times a day. I get aroused very easily. Normal?

Forget normal. Whatever works for you then consider that your normal. Twice a day playing with and enjoying these new sensations makes sense to me.

2) sometimes during self pleasure I think about wanting to engage in mutual masturbation with another female and even though I am totally heterosexual, I find myself thinking about females and desiring them. Only due to the fact that I find females to be caring, understanding, accepting and they know what feels good. No, I don't want a relationship with one. I am committed to my husband. So I guess this is just a fantasy thing for me. At the moment, men aren't turning me on at all. Perhaps since I have always felt so dominated over ????? Normal?

Allow your mind to fantasize any and everything. Fantasy is at the heart of the creative process. Don't censor your erotic thoughts. Simply enjoy them.

And 3) how do I overcome feelings of guilt when it comes to overcoming these very deeply ingrained beliefs? I feel like such a "virgin" with all this and so inexperienced especially when I read about those that have been doing this since childhood.

Help Betty, I need to get theses things sorted out in my thinking so I can move on into this new liberating experience. Thanks!

Dear S,

What a delightful email. CONGRATULATIONS on discovering some to the best sex there is and know that there's more to come. Fifty is so very young you have many joyful years ahead of you. Next on your list will be to discover vuvla massage with an organic oil and playing with sex toys. Keep reading our site for new ideas.

Consistent experiences of self-pleasuring will push out those old beliefs. Every orgasm you embrace will move you deeper into the pleasure you've been denied by our Judeo/Christian sex negative culture. Orgasms are your healing so just enjoy them to your hearts content. You will discover your own limits. Until then just stay with the good feelings and trust your body.

Dr. Betty