I Love Him But Can't Shake the Feeling of Being with Another Guy
Hi Dr. Betty,
I am 21 years old and have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years. He is the only person I've ever had sex with. I love him but I just can't shake the feeling about being with another guy. I want to but the guilt will kill me and I love him too much to just end our relationship. As well we have a family together I don't want to jeopardize that.
I just don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about it and I feel guilty and helpless.
Do I understand you correctly? At 21 to be with your BF for 7 years means you started when you were 14. That's way too young but here you are. And you have a family? You're a good example of lacking sexual experiences with other people naturally has you curious.
The elephant in the room is being a child bride. Are you married? In many cultures a girl is considered a woman once she menstruates. And many religions would applaud the fact that you have only been sexual with your partner. Still your curiosity nags at you. Due to the sexual double standard, a guy would just cheat and most likely get by with it. However, a woman will be regarded negatively if she does the same and gets caught.
The safest solution for you would be to masturbate with elaborate fantasies of hot sex with a cast of thousands. Or you and you partner can agree to open up your marriage to include others. This is complicated and requires negotiating a system that works for you both. Meanwhile don't beat yourself up for thinking about how much you would like to experience sex with someone else. Turn this into those elaborate hot fantasies I already mentioned. And forget feeling guilty. You are just a healthy young woman with a natural sexual curiosity.
PS. What part of the world do you live in and what religion is practiced?