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Hi Betty,

I have been plagued by an issue when it comes to sex. I guess I have sort of a performance anxiety issue. I just get so shy and don't express myself very much during sex. This has really put a strain on my relationships. Partners have said that they really want me to make noise when something feels good because it provides feedback and is arousing to them. I just can't seem to do it.

Now, I know I will never be a "screamer", but I wish I could at least do a little "mmmm" when something is nice! I am also shy about getting creative and trying new things. It's not that I have never tried anything new, I have, but it is very hard for me. I just feel like I will not be good at it, even though I know it takes practice. How can I just let go a little?

And if you don't mind, I will sneak in one last quick question. Is it common that a man has trouble orgasming from sex (but can from masturbating)? If so, what are some tips to help?

Thanks for reading and thanks for all your wonderful work!

Dear T,

Welcome to the world of sexual repression. Nearly every woman I've had in a private sessions cannot make any sound. So how did most of us grow up masturbating? Holding your breathe and keeping silent so as not to be discovered. So beginning now, during masturbation you must practice making sounds. One way to start is to imagine what sounds you'd make if you were enjoying a gourmet meal. Like "yumm" or just "mmmm," like humming. Our sounds of pleasure are important feedback for partners but more importantly for ourselves. Not screaming. That's strictly porn.

Yes there are many men who can't come inside a woman's vagina but can get off by masturbating. Sometimes it's because they've been watching too much porn, that plus a death grip on their dicks means a regular woman with a vagina just doesn't offer sufficient stimulation compared to porn which is after all, entertainment for men.

Dr. Betty