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Dear Dr.Betty,

First off I want to say I love your website and you've been such an inspiration to me. I also want to apologize in advance for this long letter.

I am a 16 year old black girl and I have been masturbating since I was 10. Since then I've have been giving myself numerous orgasms. I know what exactly turns me on and what doesn't and I consider myself 100% a sex positive feminist. But there is something I've been struggling with. I feel very isolated because I don't see black sex positive feminists. I love masturbating, sex, erotica, cock, my cunt, sex scenes and of course my own imagination and fantasy and feminism. I wish black women had the same type of freedom to say those things without being called a ho or jezebel.

I'm sick and tired of black women being portrayed as either the mammy, sappire, or jezebel. For once I would love to see a woman of color say I love sex and I'm a feminist and not be called a derogatory name for it. I want to see women of color being portrayed in a holistic sexual and erotic way (subverting stereotypes) like Josephine Baker. What do you think we can do about this?

Also I've been struggling with this dilemma since I was young. Ever since I was a little girl I've always been attracted to white guys. All of my celebrity crushes and masturbating fantasies have starred white guys. My struggle with this is, does this make me racist? I've always felt this guilt about it. It's not that I have anything against my own race or think bad of them. It's just that I've never been sexually or romantically attracted to black guys. Also I would never date a guy based of his race. But when when I fantasize about getting eaten out I think of guys like Michael Fassbender and Ben Mckenzie. At first I tried to deny my feelings but when I got asked out by a black guy, I couldn't say yes because I knew I would be unfairly leading him on. I really hope this doesn't make me racist. Isn't it like a preference? I would love to hear your take on it.

My last question for you is, is it weird to be turned on by a guy sucking his own cock? I've been fantasizing about a guy who just bends down, sucks his own cock, while letting me watch him cum in his mouth. I'm afraid to ask anybody else if this weird because I know they would judge me. Thank you Dr.Betty for answering my questions. I apologize for my very haphazard letter. I love your work and you, and you've been like the aunt I've never had. Thank you so much.

Much Love and wishes,

S

Dear S,

Congratulations on having such a sex positive feminist attitude. Maybe its up to you to become the black feminist who inspires other sisters to be more open and visible in supporting healthy sexuality for girls and women. The first step could be talking more openly in your discussions with your girlfriends at school. Share some of the sex info you get on D&R with a close friend.

As for your sexual fantasies, that's your own personal business. Don't let the thought police inside your mind. It's no different than me fantasizing about a big handsome black men with a huge dick. I don't think I'm being racist. That's my business! We can imagine any thing we chose so don't judge yourself. And I also think you could date both a black boy as well as a white or brown or yellow boy. We can all practice being color blind. I've been doing it for years.

One day, I even had a man show up at my apartment to show me how he could suck his own dick. He called himself "Mr. Infinity." After he finished, I clapped and thanked him and then he left, never to be heard from again. Allow yourself to have any thought, image or idea. After all, fantasy is at the heart of creativity so don't censor yourself. Also, I see Josephine Baker as a strong, talented and very brave woman who made a name for herself no different from Marylin Monroe as a white sex symbol.

I think you are doing great. Just find a few girlfriends you can share some of your thoughts and ideas with. Go online to my website with a friend and discuss what you read together. That's sexual consciousness raising for two.

Aunt Betty