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When we landed in Oslo, it was an utter relief that no one recognized us (they recognized us but Norwegians aren't into verbal confrontation - they would never walk up to a stranger and introduce themselves).

We had two days to get over our jet lag before our presentation at Pridehouse. In usual Betty fashion, she told me that she hated our original presentation and wanted to change most of it. Thank god for social media and having our content "in the cloud". We sat side-by-side in our hotel room in front of my lap top putting together the finishing touches. "Putting the Vulva on the Map was born" (we're totally taking it on the road. It will be a TED talk).

The morning of our presentation I woke up super early. I'd wanted to include the genital show & tell clip from Betty Dodson's Bodysex Workshop but I was having trouble compressing the file. I realized that it wasn't going to happen and remembered I had the clip of Betty drawing the internal clitoris. That would be our grand finale.

The room was packed.  I'm always nervous being the technical partner of the D&R duo because I have to make sure I have all the converters and add-ons - you never know if there's going to be anyone to help out with your US technology. I jumped on stage to set up and all eyes followed me. I was nervous but everything fell into place. I ended up on stage right in front of the presentation screen. There was a long dais and the only way for me to run the presentation and not block the screen or fall off stage was to straddle the leg on the dais table. My legs were spread apart but you couldn't see my panties so I thought fuck it.

Once they handed Betty the microphone we were off. Betty is an extemporaneous speaker. You can't script her. So I decided to make the presentation a series of pictures - pictures of her past, her art, her vulva sketches - she could tell her stories from the picture outline. From where I was sitting, I was on full display and I could see the whole room. I noticed a young man sitting in the front row of the audience. There was a camera crew and they were right up in his face the whole time. I thought WTF this poor guy is listening to a talk about vulvas and they won't leave him alone. 

There were a few laughs...a few smiles...but I couldn't get a read on the room. Betty was her usual amazing self. I would jump in here and there but the reaction seemed kind of flat. But when we showed the clip of the internal clitoris the audience was mesmerized.  Overall, I thought we bombed.  But it was over - all we wanted was a glass of champagne.

Then, one by one they came up to us with nothing but love and admiration. They talked about how they'd wished they'd seen our presentation when they were teens. We were invited to Kenya. We were greeted by Ellef and Gro - Gro is a sexologist.  She was asked to testify at hearings held by Norwegian politicians in the wake of our NRK episode (the whole full vulva and orgasm on Trekant we did last year).  Who knew.  And then a producer from TV2 introduced herself.

As it turned out, the cameras where there focused on that young man in the front row for a reason. They were filming an episode for his new talk show. This young man - Simon -  has a vulva phobia (he's gay).  After shooting our presentation, they asked Betty and me to head back to their studios to film a second segment - a segment where we would help Simon get over his vulva phobia. We negotiated for a bottle of champagne and headed off.  We had no idea what we were going to do...as ususal  

The set up:

Betty walked into the room where Simon was sitting...there was no script and she had no idea what was going to happen (one of Betty's favorite things). There were two chairs with a table in between with three candles (they were unlit). She looked at the unlit candles and said, "it's bad luck to have candles that aren't lit". Now Betty was making all of this up.

While they were getting the matches, Betty leaned forward and told Simon, "I am a witch with great healing powers". He replied, "really?"

Betty scared him half to death...then she asked, "do you have a grandmother...do you like her?" "Very much", he answered. "How old is she?" - "86" he replied. "Well, I'm 84. So I want you to think of me as your grandmother. What do you call your grandmother?" Betty asked. "Moot Moot" he replied. "Then you can call me, Mut Mut". Finally, Simon laughed at her mispronunciation. Betty knew that once she could get him to laugh he was hers...all hers.

Betty got up and stood along side Simon. She put one hand on his back and one hand on his chest and gently rubbed his heart chakra and said, "I want you to breathe with me. Take a deep breath and release." She repeated this several more times. She could feel that he'd broken a sweat.

Betty explained the candles, "the first candle is you and your healing, the second candle is Carlin who will be part of your healing, and the third candle is for Moot Moot your grandmother who I represent".

Betty called out, "Carlin". I was sitting outside talking to another producer. I had no idea what happened between Betty and Simon or what was going to happen to me. But I knew and trusted that Betty would be in charge.

Betty stood up and offered me her seat directly opposite Simon. Betty sat down to my left between the two of us. I was wearing my infamous shift dress and crossed by legs assuming a lady-like pose. Betty announced, "Simon you are going to meet Carlin's vulva - Roxy". Simon laughed nervously and Betty asked him if he had a pet name for his penis - he shook his head no. "Now would be a good time to come up with one, Simon", Betty announced. "You tell me a name", Simon said nervously. Betty waited a moment and announced, "John Henry" not even knowing who that was. Simon replied, "John Henry, I love it". 

Betty asked me to show Simon Roxy. I slid my legs apart, spread them open, and inched forward on the chair. Whereupon Betty took a flashlight she'd requested and aimed it at Roxy. Simon shuddered. I took my hands and ran them through my newly grown bush. Then, Betty asked me to open my outer labia and show Simon where he came from...

Betty handed Simon the flashlight and told him to aim it at Roxy. By now his nervousness was replaced by curiosity. Betty asked me to show him my clitoris. Betty said, "the clitoris is the female phallus. And in utero it becomes your penis. All penises start as clitorises. Everything you have comes from our sex organ."

Then I pulled open my inner labia and asked Simon if he'd like to see my vulva move. "It moves?", he asked. With that I flexed by pc muscle to his utter amazement. The camera zoomed in for a close up. I have no idea if Roxy will make the cut but they have it in the can.

I closed my legs and Betty said, "Simon you've been healed blow out your candle. Roxy, you blow out your candle".  We blew out our candles  - Betty blew out her candle and said, "I thank the goddess of sexual love and abundance for supporting our ritual".

We all stood up and had a group hug (Betty's ended all of her Bodysex Groups with a group hug). The cameras stopped filming and everyone congratulated us.

Simon's show will air this fall and we wish him every success. He is a special soul.  I don't think there's any doubt that we've "put the vulva on the map".