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Dear Dr. Betty,

I’m 20 years old and I would love your advice. I am having trouble mentally letting go during sex and masturbation so I find it really difficult to have an orgasm. I have had a few sexual partners but only really managed to have an orgasm twice (both times when I was on top).

After discovering your fantastic website and video podcasts I realized the importance of discovering what I liked on my own and so I started to masturbate more with my hands and with a vibrator. I didn’t really masturbate regularly when I was younger although I did explore my body, but never to orgasm. My problem is that I am having trouble coming, even by myself, because I cant mentally let go or be turned on like I can with a partner. I have followed your advice and tried to relax and fantasize but I always get distracted or put off. Don’t get me wrong I am having fun while masturbating but I would really like to come because it's just so frustrating!

Thanks for all the advice,
A

Dear A,

Having an orgasm is not about "letting go mentally" its more about staying focused on what you're feeling in your body. If anything, keep your mind occupied by having a some kind of hot fantasy instead of letting it roam around wondering "Am I getting close to coming?" or some other mental thought.

Most likely the reason you had an orgasm when you were fucking your BF on top, is b/c your clitoris was getting indirect stimulation..Keep practicing your orgasms during masturbation and be sure to use some kind of organic oil when you do. Clity's don't like dry fingers.

Dr. Betty