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Hi Betty,

I messaged you around a year ago regarding my anxieties, and doubts about my sexuality. All is now well on that front, and I came out as Bisexual. It was such a relief to do so. Having said that, I currently have a fuck buddy, [who I find unattractive and who is really not my type, and who I don't particularly want to visit], yet I just can't help myself in going back for more [I do enjoy giving him oral, however, so it ain't all bad].

During the sexual act, I'm analyzing everything that is occurring, even my thoughts. I just really couldn't give a shit anymore, and I hate beating myself up for merely being human, and most importantly, for being myself. I know that this can be a psychologically damaging "illness" [I hesitate using that word], but I have this feeling that it only becomes damaging when one starts to attach any importance to what is going on. What do you think ? I'm quite defiant in stating that I do not wish to change this supposed compulsion, and why should I ? I'm breaking no laws, and I am hurting absolutely no-one.

Dear A,

I'm happy to hear you have chosen a sexual identity that works for you. Very cool. As for your "sexual compulsion" you could just as easily call it a sexual choice or your current sexual preference. When you say you're "analyzing everything occurring" I too went through a phase like that. I wondered if my thinking about sex so much was making the experience less pleasurable. Then it all passed quite spontaneously.

Our sexual patterns, appetites and interests will change throughout our lives even though society wants us to believe that most people are heterosexual married monogamous couples. We know that's far from true. Let pleasure be your guide and accept the truth that nothing is ever permanent.

Love back to you,
Dr. Betty