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Betty,

You and Carlin are very adventurous and obviously you both have had sex with numerous people and continue to explore our vast population. I learned in sex ed that when a women has sex with a man, her hormones are automatically going to make her somewhat attached to that man. So my question is, is that true? And if so, how do you and Carlin curb those emotions? How are you both able to not feel attached or in love with someone you only had sex with?

Dear A,

What a great question! Well, your sex ed teacher was quite conservative in her understanding of good sex. First time sex with a partner where you also have your first orgasm with him or her is quite emotional. And we often get a "crush" on that person. The hormone aspect is the Oxytocin that is the same feeling that develops between a mother nursing her baby. After a love making session where both partners have had nice big orgasms, Oxytocin floods their sense of love and connectedness. I've had this feeling with several lovers after good orgasmic sex when we cuddle in bed for awhile.

For me, love is much deeper than sex although orgasmic sex is an big part of it. It's when you are willing to make a commitment to him or her and it's for the long haul of building a relationship that you hope might turn into sharing a lifetime together.

That's when you are willing to go through all kinds of problems including bad times and good, for better or for worse. Good orgasmic sex can happen with a one-night stand under the right circumstances. It's based on mutual respect and pleasure which is an end in itself. When it's not so good or down right bad, I still saw it an opportunity to learn more about myself, the other person or sex in general.

Dr. Betty