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Hi Betty,



First of all thank you. Thank you for inspiring a 20-year-old young woman from Denmark. You inspire me to inspire other young women to gain more sexual self confidence. Often when I claim to be a feminist I am confronted with prejudice: "that is so 70s!", "so you hate men?" or people just laugh. Young people. I remember once in high school, a girl told that she would wash her boyfriend's boxers, if she had given him a handjob or they had gotten dirty from sex in another way. Apparently because it was her fault. So I asked "does he wash your panties everytime they're dirty from you getting wet?" and the whole class laughed. Apparently that was different...



My point is that it can be hard enough to talk to even young Scandinavian, non-religious women about equality between the sexes when it comes to.. sex. So how would you recommend that I handle it with young men (who seems to be even more difficult to handle)? I happen to have a boyfriend; he is beautiful! And sweet, nice etc.as well of course. But young men are so... sensitive. On one hand fascinated by a girl who expresses her sexuality in an honest, sometimes (literally!) in-your-face way, on the other hand frightened and with a sensitive ego. I want to teach him (and other guys possibly) to be good lovers - for the sake of the sisterhood, as you and Ross put it - but how do I avoid hurting his feelings by correcting him? He will get confused and say stuff like "but you liked that last time" when I try to take things to the next level. I think about simply showing him some of your videos where you and Ross explain your ideas, but I am afraid it will be to much for a fragile young man in his early 20s.



How do I approach it? How do I teach him, when I am still only discovering how wonderful sex can be? Do you have tips on making the whole situation more playful and less "teacher and student"?



Thanks and all the best. I am not afraid of getting older any more!



Dear M,



Hearing from young feminists like you is very heartening. D&R intends to re-instate feminism as a sex positive movement where women are represented as strong, centered and orgasmic. Not to spend so much time dealing with sexual abuse and victimization. Rather to discuss and teach women and girls how to take control of their sex lives and learn how get what they want both in and out of bed.



When it comes to your "young man" I believe we do them a disservice by constantly protecting the fragile male ego. In that process we sacrifice our own pleasure and orgasms. Women have done this for centuries. We cook, clean, feed and fuck them without ever stating our own sexual or emotional needs. So in a way, we create those fragile egos beginning with every mother who raises a boy. This weakens them and does not help them to understand that women have different sexual needs than they do. Once you break through that ancient social construct, most boys are delighted to know more about how we function.



THE TALK must take place apart from sharing sex. How about both of you reading around the website together. Discuss different aspects of what you like best in partnersex. It would be great if you could play show and tell by viewing each others genitals. He could show you how he likes to be touched and you could do the same for him. We need to have conversations about sex like we would discuss any other important topic. Instead most of us remain silent due to our embarrassment, or fear that we lack sexual knowledge or that we might hurt his feelings. Then years later when a woman has had all she can take, she explodes in a raw rage after love and sex are long gone only to repeat the pattern.



Keep me posted on your sex communication progress.



Dr. Betty