How Do I Accept My Post-Birth Vagina?
Hello lovely Betty and Carlin :)
I am 26, a single mother of an almost 9 year old, and I have recently lost around 130 pounds. As much as my "new body" isn't perfect (loose skin galore, stretch marks, saggy boobs etc) that isn't my main concern. The skin around my vaginal opening had been "itchy" (for lack of a better word) for a few weeks. I woke up one night after some quite major cramping and pressure (which I thought maybe was an early period) with blood on my thighs and it just felt "wrong" down there.
I had a look with a mirror and saw that my vaginal opening had stretched to literally double the size, like it had been torn and it was filled with what looked like skin/meat. I got to the doctor the next day who said that I had a bladder and uterine prolapse (we are now looking to see if it is my bowel as well) and that the pressure on the opening over time caused it to "stretch" although it doesn't require stitches etc.
Every person you see says "make sure you do your kegels!" but I did them, fanatically since I gave birth 9 years ago. I don't bear down or "push" in the bathroom or during masturbation so it was kind of a complete shock to me...and especially seeing as I hadn't fucked some giant fabulous cock the night before to account for the tearing lol...I do masturbate with dildos and vibrators most days (although nothing huge to cause tearing) and looking back I definitely noticed it becoming harder and harder to orgasm. (Apparently this can be from the prolapse too) I am going to have surgery to correct the issues in the next few months, and I am allowed to continue penetrating myself (gently) in the meantime....and therein is my problem.
Not only is my vaginal opening "big" now, I feel awfully loose inside...like I can't grasp my fingers at all now...masturbating is still pleasurable but uncomfortable quickly and hard to orgasm, and cramping etc afterwards. I feel so unfeminine or something..to suddenly be so loose and "different" to look at and touch..its like a man waking up and having a 3 inch shorter penis or something. lol.
I'm planning on meeting up with a lovely older man for a month or so of lovemaking (amongst other things Im sure lol) in the next few months, and I just don't want him to be disappointed or for me to feel ashamed of my vulva (I know, its hardly her fault! lol) I'm trying so hard to be grown up about this and I hear your voice in my head saying "You ARE still a beautiful sexy woman, stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out there" lol I didn't even know this could happen to women my age, but I suppose childbirth at any age can do these things...I'm not sure exactly what my question is really, but I just thought you wonderful women might have some wisdom to share :)
Thanks so much for listening :) xxx
First off, do not blame yourself for this turn of events. You had a baby when you were a teenager at 17. That's way too young but it's when Mother Nature prefers we procreate, so our sexual desire is on overdrive. That's when contraception needs to be easily accessed. Next add the weight gain and the stress of being a single mother and it's no wonder your uterus wanted to run away. We don't hear much about the prolapsed uterus, but it's far more common than most expect. After all, women don't discuss this due to embarrassment as we always blame ourselves instead of our uptight Puritanical sexual stupidity that withholds sex information, contraception and abortion on demand.
One of my dearest friends had the same problem and when she showed me, I saw a pink tennis ball exiting her vaginal opening. She'd had five children and also did her Kegels to no avail. Since then she has been repaired and everything has returned to normal. Except she no longer desires any kind of penetration. Instead she loves a vibrator on her clitoris that gives her consistent orgasms. However she was post menopausal and you're still young. Still, I'd recommend you retire vaginal penetration just for awhile.
Your sweet older man will most likely be relieved not to have to fuck. After all that's procreative sex and now you just want to enjoy being with a partner. That includes many other things besides vaginal fucking (although it resemble a full blown fetish.) You can enjoy the closeness of touching while engaging in manual, oral and aural sex (talking dirty while one or both of you masturbates.)
At 26, you have many good things to look forward to. As you adjust to your new body and reconstructed vagina, your clitoris that has been there along will now get the attention she's longed for. Please don't ignore her just to please men who almost always want to "put it in" for their orgasm. Maybe it's because that's where they came from or perhaps it's an inborn drive. Whatever the source, it's time for you to put yourself first. For now I'd recommend Outer Course while your vagina and uterus have a nice long vacation during the time healing will take place.