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hi Dr. Betty :)

Thank you, because you helped me through your website, a lot in exploring my sexuality while being in a very conservative society.

I have a question concerning my fiancee, my future husband, as our marriage is approaching, I began to discuss sex with him, and to try flirting, to see how the chemistry will be between us. He told me something really strange: the first porn movie he saw, it was by mistake on his friend's laptop, it was featuring a woman masturbating and stripping, he told me that this scene made him "vomit"!

I asked him about sexual desire when he began having "desire" for women.. he said "he never did"! that he loved a couple of women, but just platonic feelings. then I asked him, what's pleasing a woman in sex? how would he please me? he said, "he would approach me like my sister" I was astonished! he continued "that he would masturbate me like a girl would do", when I told him that's very strange thing to say, he explained that most women he knew were interested in being lesbians, I told him then I'm interested in men, I desire men... he tried then to masturbate me, but he didn't even try to please himself, he didn't try to ask me to do anything like oral sex or a handjob for him!

I even asked him if he would like me to make him happy, and to flirt with him, but he was just negative about it.. like no need. I didn't understand why he was so controlling over himself.. where is his desire? isn't he into me? he says he loved me a lot! then I asked him, what's an interesting place he would like to visit? he said " a gay club"... when I asked why he said it seems like fun. no more explanations.

I asked him directly if he has homosexual fantasies or desires, and that I would understand.. he denied strongly. is he pretending to be: heterosexual? or is he homosexual, bi-sexual but he's not aware of his own sexual orientations? is vomiting while seeing a naked woman is normal for a male teenager?

Dear M,

Call off your wedding and run in the opposite direction from your confused future husband.

He is a mess of conflicted desires, ideas and confusion sexually. If you must wed him due to your circumstances, be prepared to pleasure yourself and be platonic friends at best.

Dr Betty