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It's been more than a year since I first messaged you... With a few questions about never have had an orgasm. I am almost 35 now.

I have dedicated hundreds of hours to myself and masturbating since then. I bought a barbell and the fabulous magic wand. I have read all your website, your books, DVDs...

My question now... I'm actually not sure if I have ever had an orgasm. I definitely feel tension building-- something that I had not previously experienced. I do eventually feel some rhythmic, involuntary vaginal contractions.. Is that an orgasm? I wouldn't say it's that pleasurable... Nothing like I expected. I don't feel a sense of relief or satisfaction after... Now what?

Thanks.

Dear J,

Congratulations on continuing your sexual self-exploration. YES! What you have described is an orgasm. It's your beginning orgasms that will grow if you just enjoy them with appreciation. Instead of comparing them to some unrealistic romantic bullshit notion that fills too many women's minds.

Our expectations keep us from acknowledging our early orgasms. Forget feeling "relief" after one orgasm. Women are capable of having many, many orgasms. We are able to continue to respond as long as we are getting some form of good clitoral and vaginal sensations. Women are bottomless pits of potential sexual pleasure. That's what frightens so many people these days.

Now all you have to do is to continue to masturbate and enjoy all those sweet sensations with an open mind without passing judgement or making comparisons to some idealized notion that is based on pure fantasy. Trust you body.

Dr. Betty