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Teaching is about repetition so here I go again saying the same thing once more with different words. There seems to be no “common sense” when it comes to women’s orgasms because most of us demand instant success the American way…add hot water and stir. Or we are naturally angry for not being taught how to experience sexual pleasure in the first place while our male partners ejaculate every time. It’s no wonder you’re mad, confused and wondering “What wrong with me?”

Do you expect to put a vibrator on your vulva and enjoy the instant ecstasy of a full blown orgasm? No, no, no! That’s the same thing as being raped by a stranger who doesn’t give a damn about you! Not only do you force the strong vibrations of a machine onto your defenseless delicate sex organ with over 8 thousand nerve endings, but what are you thinking? What’s on your mind? Are you in the mood for love? Or do you want to once and for all, to finally discover what the damn big deal with orgasm is all about?

The truth is you should have had many experiences in childhood of what it felt like to touch your clitoris. How sweet and good it was when you reached down and slid a finger between your warm baby outer lips and found that special firm little button or pulled a pillow up between your legs to rock back and forth applying pressure until the tickle went away. If that never happened then some adult told you not to touch yourself “down there” plus whatever terrible admonition went with it; like God wouldn’t love you if you did such a terrible thing. The stories I’ve heard are horrendous. It’s a misguided religionist who prevents a child’s natural masturbation.

In the 1800’s during the Victorian era, masturbation was thought to cause most illnesses in society. Now the inhibition of masturbation is the root cause of womankind’s inability to enjoy the natural release of orgasm. Childhood masturbation begins connecting the nerves from the clitoris to the pleasure center in the brain. Otherwise there is a learning curve for every woman in order to experience an orgasm. It can happen overnight or take months or even years. But you must have an open mind! Forget all of the ideas you have or your lover’s ideal of how your first orgasm will happen from him fucking you. It’s really all up to you to learn how to come from your own touch first on your sweet clitoris when you are alone.

Today we have vibrators to kick start our arousal. But I would pass a rule that you cannot engage one until you have mastered manual sex! Old and young alike believe the vibrator is the answer, but you can’t slam a vibrator down on an unloved dry clitoris and demand ecstasy! Yet women do it all the time. And when an orgasm isn’t instantaneous, you press harder to get a good feeling, and it works for a few moments, but then it becomes painful and finally your clitoris goes numb. All those nerve endings have shut down in self defense. You are an unintentional lousy self-lover!

Before you begin your masturbation ritual try dancing around the room. Move your body and breathe out loud to get your energy moving. Do Yoga. Become a sexual priestess and watch your body in a mirror dancing under candle light. Remember: This is not a test. It’s really about having a little grown up fun. Enjoy! Create a secure place of privacy with no phones to disturb you. Take time choosing a sexual fantasy that fits your mood either with romance, rape or a complex bondage scene. I still occasionally use my tied down and raped by wild dogs or a scout master lets his troupe of twelve year old boys take turns fucking me. Then he brings me to orgasm while they watch. Or I’m at a bar when a youth sits down next to me and seduces me with sweet talk. We go to his hotel room for exquisite passionate sex. One friend liked to describe her favorite meal. Another had a hot rape scene with six Irish cops. A dirty or a romance fantasy will engage your mind while you masturbate.

Basic Vibrator Rules:

1. Begin with an over all vulva massage using organic massage oil.

2. Always start on the lowest setting with a vibrator.

3. Avoid on the clitoris directly, keep the vibrator moving around.

4. Do Not Press Harder with a vibrator to get more sensation.

5. Using the PC muscle and rocking your pelvis plus breathing is essential.

6. Have a fantasy to keep your mind entertained.

7. No demands. Just breathe, rock your pelvis and have sexual thoughts.

I have spent from 10 minutes to four hours selfloving. Afterward, I usually doze off or jump up reenergized and go back to work. Whenever I’ve had a creative block, or can’t make a decision or solve a particular problem, not to worry. I simply stop and vibrate to get the juices flowing. Then I go back and deal with the task at hand, one of the benefits working from home. My orgasms have ranged from little hiccups to massive explosions of energy. It all depends upon my state of mind and my physical well being. Some times when I’m low energy and feeling poorly, a vulva massage can be healing.

The relaxation of an overall body massage always gets the circulation going.

A walk to the store, a swim in the pool or a 30 minute session of selfloving also does wonderful things for the state of my mind, body and soul.