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Dear Dr. Betty,

I'm a happily married 67 year old guy with 3 children and 6 grandchildren and I'd appreciate your take on a couple of things that are concerning me. I'm hoping you can put my mind at rest.

I've never thought too deeply about it but I guess I've always considered myself to be heterosexual. Recently though I've begun to question myself about my sexual orientation. When I was a teenager I had quite a few male friends with whom I regularly indulged in mutual masturbation sessions and enjoyed occasional oral sex. There's no doubt I really enjoyed those experiences and never felt guilty or questioned myself about enjoying it. During those years I also had quite a number of girlfriends and didn't think for a moment that it was strange or wrong to enjoy a sexual relationship with both sexes simultaneously.

After I married, the thought of a relationship with another male just didn't occur to me. You see, I have always been attracted to women and have NEVER been physically attracted to men. And while my wife and I have enjoyed a fulfilling sex life for almost 4 decades, in recent times our activity is occasional. During those years I continued to masturbate regularly and still do 3 or 4 times per week.

But... as mentioned earlier, in recent years I have developed much more than a passing interest in other men. Not their physical characteristics but in particular watching videos of other males masturbating. I've become obsessed with masturbation and the male ejaculation. It's difficult to explain that part of my obsession... it's not about the male body and its attractiveness, it's about understanding what another male feels during orgasm... experiencing a common pleasure.

To further complicate things, I now find myself actively seeking a male friend to form a mutual masturbation relationship with. I have this compelling desire to hold another man's penis and to bring him pleasure. My question is why all of a sudden do I feel this way? Why now after so many years do I yearn to fondle and stroke and give pleasure to another male?

The fact is I'm confused by my feelings because on the one hand it seems perfectly natural to want this while on the other it seems quite bizarre. If the common definition of 'bisexual' is someone attracted to both sexes simultaneously, I definitely don't think I fit that mold. To me, I think it's just the thought of the raw sex itself. The excitement of giving and receiving pleasure with another male.

My wife isn't aware of my feelings and I certainly wouldn't want to hurt her but I really do have this yearning to be with another guy. Is this a natural thing or should I just put it away as a fantasy that should never be fulfilled?

Dear M,

In my early feminist days, there was a need to chose my sexual identity as to whether I was straight or gay! I solved this dilemma by stating that I was a "Heterosexual-bisexual-lesbian!" The questions stopped after I announced that. Later on, I had to add SM masturbating leather Dyke. Finally I am now simply SEXUAL!

I encourage you to find a JO (jackoff) buddy for harmless, safe sexual fun! Since you're in your 60's chances are your wife is no longer that interested in the old in and out of straight sex.

Get a vibrator to enhance her masturbation and you discreetly find a like-minded guy who is interested in sharing some friendly mutual masturbation. Keep your own counsel and enjoy some harmless sexual fun. Happy orgasms,

Dr. Betty