Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

All this talk about sex and relationships sometimes makes me want to gag. I guess it's great if you have one, have questions about one, need to vent or look for support. However, I have a different issue. I am 64 and looking for a partner. That means I'm on Match.com and believe me, it's a humbling experience.

I can only speak for myself, which I will, in case there's anyone out there who cares and would like the down and dirty about cyber dating at this stage of life.

Richard Pacheco and I go back a long way. We first crossed paths years ago at the Adult Industry Awards. He was on stage receiving an award for best X-rated films and I was in the audience. Standing behind the podium, Richard was making strange movements that turned out to be taking off his black jockey shorts. After he put his pants back on, he gave me a fabulous tribute about the important contribution I’d made to the field of human sexuality without ever getting any awards. Then he threw his black jockey shorts as far as he could into the audience and asked folks to pass them back to me. I was standing midway in the room.  When they finally reached me, I held them to my face and breathed in his scent amidst howls of laughter. That was the best award I’ve ever received.

Since then we have supported one another to get our sexual memoirs published. I think he’s a terrific writer with a great sense of humor. He thinks the same about me. He’s been working on his book for 23 years and I’ve been writing and shopping mine for 27 years. I’ve offered Richard to join me with an e-book that we can sell from dodsonandross. Here’s one of his chapters followed by my answer to his question:

Chapter Five

The Wonder of It All

Awe. A pair of breasts walked into a crowded room the other day. Men gasped. The other body parts of the woman who owned them were largely undistinguished, but her breasts were truly exemplary. Normally, I'm not moved to exotic poetry by tits. I'm sure I've already mentioned that it's the female ass that usually awakens all my calls to romance.

Hi Betty,

My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship, so we haven't seen each other since New Year's and we won't see each other until early March. The months leading up to my return to the US, I noticed a gradual build-up of a sort of tickling feeling when I peed, which grew a bit uncomfortable. Around Christmas, it developed into a full-blown UTI--extremely painful, peeing blood, horrible stomachaches and nausea. I was prescribed a heavy dose of Levaquin and sent on my way. It cleared up quickly, and I took care to drink cranberry juice twice a day and take acidophilus. My boyfriend came to visit on New Year's, and since I was feeling okay, we had sex. The next day the stomachache returned, and the UTI was back.

The other night while I was drifting off to sleep, one of my hands slowly crept down to my genitals for a nice good-night fondling. Things were warm, moist, business as usual... I fingered myself looking for any mucosal morsels I might bring back up to my lips for a midnight snack.

Sleepily my finger found its way back up and into my mouth. Is that- could it be? It was tangy, tart, metallic. A new taste. I never thought I'd sample my own menstrual blood one day, but here I was licking it off my finger and finding myself not unpleased. For the first time in a long time it felt like I was checking something new off my sexual checklist.

I ask myself often: "Are you bisexual?". Is bisexuality like a new food? It sounds good, but you don't know if you like it until you try? Or it is like crack... It's one of those things that you know you'll probably like before you try it? I mean, I don't know of very many people who were like "Yeah, I snorted a few likes of coke. It wasn't my thing".

Lady Gaga turns me on. In the "Video Phone" video, she isn't very attractive. Like, I don't know who the f*ck their make up person was, but they f*cked her up, but from 2:32 to 4:02, I can't take my eyes off her (and the moaning at the end is amazing, too). She's incredibly sexy.

This week, through an anonymous tip, the Turkish father and grandfather of a teenage girl were arrested for burying her alive because she was talking to boys. The family termed it an 'honor' killing. It turns out that around 200 murders a year in Turkey alone are honor killings - nearly half of all Turkey's annual murders.

The religious myth in play here is that sex, and even talking to boys, is bad, dirty, shameful, and wrong for a girl to do.

Scandalouswoman.com did a cosmo this week with the Seven Rules for a Successful Threesome - and that's a MFM (male. female. male) threesome. I liked the info that was provided on how you set the speed for how soon you and a prospective 2nd male make the threesome happen because some men will push and rush things to "close the deal." Assertive, yes, but not gentlemanly. Not patient. However, if you're a woman who likes that in a man, have fun. For me, the biggest problem with the article is that they advise the woman to give pleasure while she's trying to have an orgasm, in light of you can't pay too much attention to one person or it leaves out the other person. This is true, but it's done better at different times during the sex. Trying to pleasure someone and take pleasure that makes you come is a  bad idea for most people, women or men, and it doesn't touch on this subtle detail: if you're performing oral sex while you're moving toward an orgasm, then either performing oral sex turns you on and makes things hotter or you're dealing with ping ponging between concentrating on performing the blowjob and the pleasure heading you to your own orgasm. Most people can't focus on enjoying the sensations while performing the intricacies of pleasuring someone else. Something has to give.

I'm ovulating and I'm so horny. I have pussy juice almost dripping out of me. I'm wearing this pair of Old Navy jogging pants with a hole in the crotch and I'm not wearing underwear, so my entire room is thick with the sweet and womanly smell of my snatch. I feel like I could masturbate for hours and still not be satiated. I think I need some dick. Or Glenn Close. Or both.

I had a series of sex dreams last night, and one was especially bizarre. It likely had something to do with the shemale porn I have recently taken interest in. I had come across it while browsing my normal porn site and one video was entitled "Shemale Cumpilitation".

Since I became a courtesan, I've forfeited any chances of meeting other men outside of my profession. I allow for serendipitous occasions here and there; but, I'm not naive about my business and how I expect a potential date to react upon hearing it. I don't care to lie because I'm not ashamed of what I do. So, the outcome tends to be:

1) My date will pretend he's really supportive; but, will have the innate feeling that he may have to "save" me from myself somehow.

2) He will use that as his ticket into my bedroom because, c'mon, if I'm a sex worker then that must mean I spread my legs for whatever guy comes my way.

And they threw in a 13 year old:

via Vintage Ads