A Woman's Erection Needs 20-30 Minutes of Adequate Clitoral Stimulation

Thu, 10/16/2014 - 06:45
Submitted by Betty Dodson

I fully understand that teaching is repetition. So again I repeat: the clitoral body is the primary source of orgasm whether it's stimulated externally, internally, or both at the same time. I prefer both. Once a woman understands she can have both clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration, it ends this discussion.

There is no distinction between "vaginal" or "clitoral" or "G spot" orgasms since all orgasms are centered in the clitoris. It doesn't matter if it's direct clitoral contact or indirect G spot stimulation. Or even the more illusive deep vaginal thrusting that stimulates the base of the spine, now called the "deep spot." That orgasm requires an 8 inch penis or a quality silicone dildo. All you guys with average 5 to 6 inch penises erect are SOL on that one.

Back in the seventies, Master and Johnson's research demonstrated that all orgasms were the result of some form of direct or indirect clitoral stimulation. Kinsey agreed before them as did many ancient cultures. Unfortunately many Americans remain influenced by Freud's ridiculous theory that vaginal orgasms are superior, an idea that took hold during the Victorian age of extreme sexual repression. It's kept alive today by organized religions and what some men prefer: a quick fuck similar to masturbating inside a vagina.

The "G spot" orgasm is also indirect clitoral stimulation. We know the urethral sponge that surrounds the urinary tract fills up with blood and becomes erect after being stimulated with pressure applied to the ceiling of the vagina. Or in some cases, the use of a strong vibrator on or near the clitoris also can result in ejaculation. Most women agree that "squirting" is not the same as having an orgasm, although I'm told it feels very nice especially if it accompanies orgasm.

At first, young and old women were asking me how they could learn to ejaculate. Recently, I've been asked how can I stop gushing during sex with my partner. After searching thousands of website that describe how to female ejaculate, no where could I find information on how to stop female ejaculation. Instead I was advised to get protective mattress covers and more towels are recommended. No where could I find information on stopping this response for those who find the clean up afterwards a drag.

"A vaginal orgasm" is also indirect clitoral stimulation considering the internal structures of the clitoris. The erectile tissue of the legs and bulbs fill up with blood and become erect during vaginal thrusting with an erect penis/dildo/fingers for up to thirty minutes or more. Also to consider is indirect clitoral stimulation when couples bodies press together. Many women discover that getting on top allows her to press her clitoris into her lovers body.

Following all this complicated physical information, we have to include the mental and emotional state of being "in love." Romantic Love has been described by some feminists and philosophers as "temporary insanity." Unfortunately, it's the most popular sexual fantasy for the largest number of girls and women all over the world: "Some day my Prince Charming will come."

What's left out of this conversation is the following information: A woman's erection takes twenty to thirty minutes of adequate clitoral stimulation for her entire vulva to become engorged. The operating word here is "adequate" and will vary from woman to woman.

The point being that few women are even turned on before they get fucked. Most are getting a few minutes of clumsy clit stim, a few licks from a dry tongue or harsh finger banging. The moment there's a small amount of lubrication, many lovers dive into the vagina going for a home run. No wonder sex therapists emphasize foreplay and no wonder faked orgasms far out number real ones. When we discover how few women are having orgasms during intercourse it's obvious to me that fucking is really foreplay for masturbation.

Unfortunately, intercourse rarely if ever lasts long enough to engage the internal clitoris. We forget that for every pre-orgasmic woman there's a premature ejaculating man. This is one of the primary reasons why men don't want to know what women want because it would require them to make an effort to learn "come control" which sounds like another job and he's already overworked.

The other tragedy is that most women don't understand their sexual bodies either due to the absence of childhood masturbation. This is a time when girls and boys get to discover their orgasmic patterns. Even today, women's sex information and education is based on the male model of sexual response: A penis ejaculating inside a vagina. This is also the heterocentric, procreative model that's supported by organized religions, governments and even Mother Nature who wants to further the species. Some days it seems that women can't win for losing.

We now have the horrendous job of sexually educating a world that's under the influence of violence with militant religions and corporations intent on dominating the world. Still, some of us continue to hope that "Mankind" will give peace a chance. Otherwise women will have to take over before we can embrace the Pleasure Principal with Equal Rights and Orgasms for all.

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Are you for real Betty?

Wed, 07/13/2016 - 05:34
John Howe (not verified)

You must be just trying to get a reaction with this comment. However, you claim men should listen to women. But when men tell you they feel your tone is sexist towards men, you call them wimps. Perpetuating the cultural discourse that men should shut up about their feelings. In your article you don't just talk about physiology but explicitly blame men for a women's lack of orgasm several times. Both people are responsible for the quality of their sexual experience. This just reinforces the idea that women are helpless and need men to do whatever for them. Women are quite capable of asking for and ensuring that they get what they need. It also does not seem to have occurred to you that the cultural trope of penetration focussed heterosex means men have poor quality sex too. Male ejaculation does not equal orgasm or even enjoyment. You just perpetuate sex stereotypes with very little insight. Substitute the word women for men in your comments and you sound as bad as any openly sexist male. Your lack of insight is into your own sexism. Women can be sexist too. You are proof. You might want to look at that, as you have a public platform.

Yes John Howe, I'm very real....

Betty Dodson's picture
Mon, 07/18/2016 - 13:33
Betty Dodson

And to your credit John, your comment got me to research the word "sexism" as I avoid using it because it is a very imprecise term that can have many meanings. I believe we would all benefit by checking our Google god for information. Everytime I consult "Her" I am consistently  enlightened.

A short feminist definition: "Sexism is both discrimination based on gender and the attitudes,

stereotypes, and the cultural elements that promote this discrimination. Given the historical and continued imbalance of power, where men as a class are privileged over women as a class (see male privilege), an important, but often overlooked, part of the term is that sexism

is prejudice plus power.[/b] Thus feminists reject the notion that women can be sexist towards men because women lack the institutional power that men have.

That ‘+ power’ portion of the equation is one of the most important parts. This is not to say that the disenfranchised cannot be prejudiced, because many of them are, but without power, they are not actually working within the systematic framework of advantage created by the majority to privilege themselves. Thus it is only “racism” if the person is capable of using that framework; otherwise, it is prejudice.

 What this imbalance of power translates to on an individual level is a difference in the impact of a man being prejudiced towards a woman and a woman being prejudiced towards a man. While both parties are human, and therefore have the same capacity to be hurt by prejudice, whether they like it or not, the men have a whole system of history, traditions, assumptions, and in some cases legal systems and “scientific” evidence giving their words a weight that the women don’t have access to."

Thanks to this definition, I can now understand why so many guys got all bent out of shape. The're not accoustomed to hearing the truth about women's actual sexual pleasure bc we hesitate to speak up. For your benefit John, let me share my favorite rant AGAINST men.

Women are the First Sex! We have more genetic material, our brains work better and we are in touch with our emotions. Women can endure more pain, stress and other forms of deperivation far better than men because we have the responsibility to birth and raise the next generation. Sexually speaking, once a woman has liberated herself from the male model of sexual response, she is far more sexual with a huge capacity for orgasm upon orgasm given the kind of stimulation she prefers.

Most men don't even know their pitiful ejacualtions are not the same thing as an orgasm. When they "cum" it's similar to blowing their nose eliminating excess mucous. Sure it feels good like having a shit that empties out the lower bowel feels good. That helpless little apendage you call a penis is totally vulnerable to life's onslaughts. It's no wonder so many men are wimps and cowards and in their anger and frustration, theiy LOVE to blow up things rather than to build something beautiful. The nandful of men who are creative, intelligent, sensitive are not seen as "real" men in our sick culture. God forbid a dude might be a "faggot" right?

Now given that I know all of this intellectually and experientially, I still love my brothers, especially those men who are with me on the front lines to end sexual ignorance.

Betty Dodson, August 2016


Oh my god, Betty I love you.

Fri, 08/12/2016 - 21:55
Anonymous534726455 (not verified)

Oh my god, Betty I love you.

Undoubtedly, you did justice

Wed, 10/26/2016 - 08:22
Vibratinglove (not verified)

Undoubtedly, you did justice to the topic. However, I feel there is no hard and fast rule to stimulating a woman. A woman can get to her orgasm based on how her body reacts to sensual pleasure and the man she is involved with,  and like someone said the psychological make up and brain power of a woman matters too when her body reacts to clitoral stimulation

20-30 minutes!?

Sun, 01/22/2017 - 06:36
Speedy????? (not verified)

I've never had partner sex but when I masturbate the longest I can keep going before I come is about 10 minutes. Usually it's more like the first couple minutes when it happens. I can't really seem to stop or control it. Am I missing something by not going the full 20-30 minutes? I think I have really good strong orgasms but then I've never gone that long so don't know what that would be like.

Rapid orgasmic response

Sun, 01/22/2017 - 21:08

I don't know about 8 inch penises, but my ex-partner was extrenely (I mean that as in extemely, abnormally) multi-orgasmic, and she'd very rapidly orgasm if I hit her cervix.  And again, and again. Now, she, I found out later, had severe, diagnosed, hospitalised, Narcisstic Personality Disorder, NPD, and acknowledged she had non-violent masochistic fantasies. So, I would in no way suggest she was 'normal', but I think we need to beware generalizations.

Egotistical sensitive men

Mon, 01/23/2017 - 10:57
FishermansWife (not verified)

Hi Betty!
I just found your website recently and really love everything about it. I don't think you have done anything to bash men in any way. We need society to understand this information, because there are definitely some men on here who have been deceived by their partners to protect their egos. Yes women fake climaxing, way to often at that. I think they need to open their minds to these facts! I can say that I am an orgasmic woman, I can cum quickly if I put extreme pressure and fast paced clit stimulation, and at that point it has nothing to do with the mans cock. I have faked a lot of orgasms even with my husband because a few minutes of clit stimulation and then straight to banging isn't enough to make me cum unless of course I'm in a good position to stimulate my clit fast and hard (with my legs squeezed together) which isn't ideal if you want to have more options of positions during sex. Men are so lucky they get turned on and hard within seconds, and can cum within minutes sometimes seconds of sex! It's really not to much to ask for them to stimulate us enough so that we don't have to work so hard to achieve that climax. I know I've felt defeated and unequal as a women for way too long, feeling that my obligation is to make a man cum and go masturbate in the shower after (yep I've done that). I now realize I need to open up with my husband and stop faking orgasms, get real with him and let him know I need more stimulation before sex. I really don't want to hurt his feelings and I'm very shy even after a few years of marriage so that's something that I find hard to do but I'm sick of putting myself on the back burner. Betty I do have a question, we don't do a lot of oral sex I do on him and I like doing so it turns me on watching him get hard and hot, however I'm not a big fan of receiving it. This might be due to the fact that I find it hard to relax and fantasize and also if the stimulation isn't perfect it doesn't do anything for me at all. I would rather stimulate my clit before sex, do you have any suggestions on how I can do this with my husband and a gentle way of bringing it up? It's kind of hard to tell someone you love that you have faked orgasms for so long without hurting their feelings!

Dear Fishermans Wife

Betty Dodson's picture
Mon, 01/23/2017 - 22:57
Betty Dodson

I don't always read all the comments following an article. The place to send questions is on front page......Ask Dr. Betty. Send me your question again so I can respond.

It is a crock that that

Sun, 03/19/2017 - 16:24
packleader (not verified)

It is a crock that that ejaculate fluid has to contain sperm. I`m a 75 year old male and I have been  shooting blanks since 1970 when I had a vascetomy.

A crock?

Tue, 03/21/2017 - 01:22

I really don't understand this. I have three children, and if ejaculate didn't contain viable sperm I wouldn't have. After my first two I had a vasectomy, but later when my marriage failed and I remarried, my new partner wanted a child, so I had it reversed. Later I hada vasectomy again. I take it from the fact that you had one too that we agree it is the proper way to assume responsibility. So, I think nature has got things about right, with a little surgical help.

The Point Being

Wed, 11/22/2017 - 15:53
Mandy (not verified)

[= 14px]The point being that few women are even turned on before they get fucked. Most are getting a few minutes of clumsy clit stim, a few licks from a dry tongue or harsh finger banging. [/][= 14px] I am guessing that this is the comment that inflames the male egos.  One of the male commenters pointed out that most men do want to please their female partners.  I am betting that the reason Betty wrote that statement is because of her life experiences with men, along with many, many women telling her that is also their experience with men.  I am a 64-year-old woman and that has been my experience with every man I've been with.  I have told the last three lovers explicitly what I want and how long I need it.  After explaining and showing men what I want, I get clumsy groping around the general vicinity of my clit, harsh finger banging and the generous men give you a few licks.  And the next time I have sex with the man, I tell and show him again what I want and get the same groping.  That's the stimulation I get in less than five minutes and then they think they've put in their "effort" and should be rewarded with stimulation to their sex organ for however long it takes to achieve THEIR orgasm.  That's my life experience.  So if men don't like Betty and me and other women saying that, educate yourselves on female pleasure and change your mindset and behavior.  [/]