A Woman's Erection Needs 20-30 Minutes of Adequate Clitoral Stimulation

Thu, 10/16/2014 - 06:45
Submitted by Betty Dodson

I fully understand that teaching is repetition. So again I repeat: the clitoral body is the primary source of orgasm whether it's stimulated externally, internally, or both at the same time. I prefer both. Once a woman understands she can have both clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration, it ends this discussion.

There is no distinction between "vaginal" or "clitoral" or "G spot" orgasms since all orgasms are centered in the clitoris. It doesn't matter if it's direct clitoral contact or indirect G spot stimulation. Or even the more illusive deep vaginal thrusting that stimulates the base of the spine, now called the "deep spot." That orgasm requires an 8 inch penis or a quality silicone dildo. All you guys with average 5 to 6 inch penises erect are SOL on that one.

Back in the seventies, Master and Johnson's research demonstrated that all orgasms were the result of some form of direct or indirect clitoral stimulation. Kinsey agreed before them as did many ancient cultures. Unfortunately many Americans remain influenced by Freud's ridiculous theory that vaginal orgasms are superior, an idea that took hold during the Victorian age of extreme sexual repression. It's kept alive today by organized religions and what some men prefer: a quick fuck similar to masturbating inside a vagina.

The "G spot" orgasm is also indirect clitoral stimulation. We know the urethral sponge that surrounds the urinary tract fills up with blood and becomes erect after being stimulated with pressure applied to the ceiling of the vagina. Or in some cases, the use of a strong vibrator on or near the clitoris also can result in ejaculation. Most women agree that "squirting" is not the same as having an orgasm, although I'm told it feels very nice especially if it accompanies orgasm.

At first, young and old women were asking me how they could learn to ejaculate. Recently, I've been asked how can I stop gushing during sex with my partner. After searching thousands of website that describe how to female ejaculate, no where could I find information on how to stop female ejaculation. Instead I was advised to get protective mattress covers and more towels are recommended. No where could I find information on stopping this response for those who find the clean up afterwards a drag.

"A vaginal orgasm" is also indirect clitoral stimulation considering the internal structures of the clitoris. The erectile tissue of the legs and bulbs fill up with blood and become erect during vaginal thrusting with an erect penis/dildo/fingers for up to thirty minutes or more. Also to consider is indirect clitoral stimulation when couples bodies press together. Many women discover that getting on top allows her to press her clitoris into her lovers body.

Following all this complicated physical information, we have to include the mental and emotional state of being "in love." Romantic Love has been described by some feminists and philosophers as "temporary insanity." Unfortunately, it's the most popular sexual fantasy for the largest number of girls and women all over the world: "Some day my Prince Charming will come."

What's left out of this conversation is the following information: A woman's erection takes twenty to thirty minutes of adequate clitoral stimulation for her entire vulva to become engorged. The operating word here is "adequate" and will vary from woman to woman.

The point being that few women are even turned on before they get fucked. Most are getting a few minutes of clumsy clit stim, a few licks from a dry tongue or harsh finger banging. The moment there's a small amount of lubrication, many lovers dive into the vagina going for a home run. No wonder sex therapists emphasize foreplay and no wonder faked orgasms far out number real ones. When we discover how few women are having orgasms during intercourse it's obvious to me that fucking is really foreplay for masturbation.

Unfortunately, intercourse rarely if ever lasts long enough to engage the internal clitoris. We forget that for every pre-orgasmic woman there's a premature ejaculating man. This is one of the primary reasons why men don't want to know what women want because it would require them to make an effort to learn "come control" which sounds like another job and he's already overworked.

The other tragedy is that most women don't understand their sexual bodies either due to the absence of childhood masturbation. This is a time when girls and boys get to discover their orgasmic patterns. Even today, women's sex information and education is based on the male model of sexual response: A penis ejaculating inside a vagina. This is also the heterocentric, procreative model that's supported by organized religions, governments and even Mother Nature who wants to further the species. Some days it seems that women can't win for losing.

We now have the horrendous job of sexually educating a world that's under the influence of violence with militant religions and corporations intent on dominating the world. Still, some of us continue to hope that "Mankind" will give peace a chance. Otherwise women will have to take over before we can embrace the Pleasure Principal with Equal Rights and Orgasms for all.

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Did you forget the brain?

Thu, 10/16/2014 - 07:22
Gebhard (not verified)

Good Morning,
everything you tell us is true, except - in my opinion - you forgot to mention the brain. The clitoris may be responsible for the first step, but none of our organs (female or male)  will work without the "biuld in information system", the brain, even if we do not reconise it.

Best wishes

Gebhard

How true, how true. We cannot do without a brain.

Betty Dodson's picture
Thu, 10/16/2014 - 13:13

However I did include the brain. Having a sexual fantasy to occupy the brain will enhance orgasm. The most popular one for girls and women is based on Romantic love with Prince Charmings. What is the most popular male fantasy? First off I'd guess "Threesomes".

Clitoral orgasms

Thu, 10/16/2014 - 17:57
Contented (not verified)

My wife has orgasmed without any contact with her clitorous or vagina and no hip thrusting either... she has orgasmed while playing with my bum (she says it turns her on) as well as just about every time she gives me a blow job... had a real intense one once while sucking me as she was slipping a finger in my bum and so did I ;)

My wife have tried all sorts of things together and nothing is out of the question (even had a threesome once) maybe it's our hot sex life that keeps her having orgasms so easily?

Now you're bragging.

Betty Dodson's picture
Fri, 10/17/2014 - 17:38

Don't want to bust your little sex bubble, but what you descirbe sounds like your wife just might be faking you out... but if it's all true, and she's that SUPER ORGASMIC, all I can say is Congratulations!

To Ian Wtf I knew all of this

Sat, 10/18/2014 - 04:21
Zeus (not verified)

To Ian Wtf I knew all of this from masterbating I am not a lesbian I completely agree that sex has been made to be all about his pleasure but I have always demanded I get mine then he can get his lol and yes it works to educate him I told him after being married one year screw ur ego no more faking I need my orgasms do this and after i cum u cum lol

So Size Can Matter

Sun, 10/19/2014 - 21:55
Dudley (not verified)

This was definitely a helpful & interesting read. So when people say having an average penis vs a large penis doesn't matter, that is false as well? It can help a woman reach orgasm quicker with a larger 1?

Size does matter. But it's

Mon, 10/20/2014 - 07:33
Hael A (not verified)

Size does matter. But it's not everything. Big, in my opinion, is a definite advantage as far as deeper, more intense stimulation goes, but if you have crap technique, or you're lazy, it can be horrible. I have also been with guys with small cocks that have been incredible lovers. The point is, just don't be lazy in bed (or car or beach or park or toilet cubicle...) regardless of size.

Foreplay + wand

Mon, 10/20/2014 - 23:30
Dean (not verified)

Hi!  I completely agree with the necessity of foreplay as a stimulating agent, but do you think such extended foreplay is necessary every time when two people are having multiple sexual encounters in one day?  Don't get me wrong, I'm all about the foreplay, I'm just curious as to what your take is.  Also my girlfriend and I use a wand during sex and when we don't necessarily want to have marathon sex (and sometimes when we do), we use it.  Which is able to make her control her cumming, allowing me to cum at the same time, it's a great tool!  

Very good base of information

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 15:53
Jose (not verified)

Very good base of information to work off. I understand that sexually unhappy folks should move on until a compatible and willing yo learn mate is found. If one is complacent in bed, faking orgasms or becoming a 2nd class citizen, that only makes the mate a lousy and lazy lover. I think all the male bashing is unhealthy.

Anal penetration

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 23:48
Ruenie (not verified)

For me the strongest, fullest and easiest orgasm is through anal sex. I imagine the "deep spot" you mentioned at the base of the spine could be triggered by this. I've never heard it described this way. I need some, but minimal direct clitoral stimulation when this is happening, in contrast with needing very direct and precise clitoral stimulation with vaginal sex. For my first baby, I was given an episiotomy, and I wonder if you know if those nerves getting cut in the perineum will significantly affect the sensation of vaginal penetration. I'm wondering if that's why anally feels so much nicer, because all the nerves that are involved there are intact.

Orgasm + Fantasy

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 12:52
Alyssa James (not verified)

Hi,
Is it bad ( like a sickness) if I can have an orgasm really fast with my partner but only if I'm having dirty fantasy? If I don't use this method I rarely reach an orgasm ... The thing is that I feel really bad after doing this and I don't tell him about it.. 
Best regards,
Alyssa

confused female

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 18:08
Anonymously (not verified)

Why is it that have never had an orgasim or came during sex but only threw oral sex??? Help

hard to reach an orgasm

Thu, 10/23/2014 - 00:37
Deborah (not verified)

Hi, Betty 
I've been with my man for a year almost coming up next month and we have tried several things/tools/positions/ etc. But, for some reason I am not reaching an orgasm nor have I cum. I really think it has something to do with the atmosphere we have sex in and the time we engage in foreplay (which is not 20 to 30 mins. Long). Do you think I need more foreplay done on me? And what other things can  be done to help me get there? 
Thanks

orgasm

Thu, 10/23/2014 - 01:24
yolanda (not verified)

I have often wondered if there was something wrong with me. I'm not able to have an orgasm with penetration. I am only orgasmic during clitoral stimulation. Oral sex.

Sources?

Thu, 10/23/2014 - 05:24
JF (not verified)

I would love to see some sources for the studies from which you draw all of this information.

Dr Betty, you seem to hate

Thu, 10/23/2014 - 08:37
john dae (not verified)

Dr Betty, you seem to hate men.  What's your problem
I see no sources cited here.  You seem like a female Dr Phil.  30 minutes of clitoral stimulation?  If my wife and I are having a fun day without stress, i can get her from fully clothed to an orgasm in 30 minutes, with just a few minutes of clitoral stimulation.
Maybe men suck at foreplay because they read stupid websites like this, thinking it would help them become better lovers.  Sheesh.

Couldn't the point have been made without the jabs at men?

Thu, 10/23/2014 - 14:39
Anonymous101 (not verified)

As a heterosexual male I know that my knowledge of the female body can only be gained through research and honest open communication with my wife. I enjoy articles that either present new material or a new perspective on things I may already know. However, the jabs taken at men in the process were uneccesary and can deter men from opening this dialogue because of the preconceived notions about them. Some men do take pride in listening and learning about things that make their spouses happy and don't use being overworked as an excuse not to do so.

fucking fembot. It's ashame

Thu, 10/23/2014 - 21:10
Anonymous1432567347844478 (not verified)

fucking fembot. It's ashame that the majority of women on here agree with this Bullshit. I guess I'm some exception to this rule but I've never had ANY issue getting any woman off with multiple orgasms.sucks for you women out there with inattentive men. What a shame..

Women Can't Ejaculate

Fri, 10/24/2014 - 00:31
womencantejaculateyouknow (not verified)

An ejaculate (fluid) contains sperm, which women don't have.

Yes actually they can...

Fri, 10/24/2014 - 16:12
Anonymous6969696969 (not verified)

Yes actually they can... ejaculate is the general term, women dont have semen.... 

Get in touch with your sexual side

Fri, 10/24/2014 - 20:59
Capricorn (not verified)

Masturbation can teach you your sexual preferences and how to maintain and achieve an orgasm with or without a partner. You will learn the rhythm of your own orgasm which can lead your partner or yourself to a deeper connection.

Fascistic Mother Nature.

Fri, 10/24/2014 - 23:47
Vince C. (not verified)

Bravo, Betty!

I enjoyed the bit about Mother Nature placing the heavy burden on women. Too often rhetoric resorts to blaming "patriarchy," whereas I believe Mother Nature places the heaviest burden on women; treating them as mere birthing canals, and nothing more.

To go against Her is a Romantic gesture in itself. Man's struggle against nature as depicted in Turner paintings, etcetera. You and Carlin are the new Romantics of orgasm.

i i know this to be possible!

Sun, 10/26/2014 - 07:31
akluv (not verified)

i i know this to be possible! why is it only male on male that does it. i am a heterosexual female.

Misleading Title

Tue, 10/28/2014 - 05:43
David Bartley (not verified)

The title is misleading. A "woman's erection" in the title actually refers to erection of tissue of the legs and bulbs during vaginal thrusting.  Clitoral erection can occur in much less time than 30 minutes.  This longer time, 30 minutes, is more like the time to the point of orgasm.

A large penis will not help a woman reach orgasm

Betty Dodson's picture
Tue, 10/28/2014 - 12:49

more quickly or at all for most women. The longer penis is required to stimulate the "deep" spot or base of the spine that I call the "sweet spot."  In my long active sex life, I've had two "sweet spot" orgasms that I'm aware of, so I'm not holding my breathe waiting for the next one.

The most profound lover who changed my sexlife had a 5 and 1/2 inch penis erect! I dedicated my memoir to him. What Grant did for me that was so profound was to combine clitoral stimulation while we were fucking. Well, I thought I'd died and gone to Heaven. Very quickly, it became clear that if I did my own clitoral stimulation, he could better focus on his own sensations. From that day on, I want BOTH forms of stimulation happening at the same time for my orgasms.

So RIP Grant Taylor. I'll be forever grateful that you were part of my life.

Male bashing? I don't get it?

Betty Dodson's picture
Tue, 10/28/2014 - 13:10

When I share information about a woman's internal clitoris that's part of her getting an errection, and describing the  process as I understand it (after 40 years of working with women), so many men felt I was beating them up verbally? WTF? Either I'm unconscious to the hyper sensitivity of men or some of you guys are just a bunch of wimps.

Please enlighten me.

Well, David. It's my understanding after 40 years of working

Betty Dodson's picture
Tue, 10/28/2014 - 14:05

directly with women learning how to orgasm, the clitoris is our primary organ for arousal. Much like the penile glans is your hot spot. Yes, the clitoris can become erect quite quickly BUT for the legs and bulbs of the clitoris to fill up with blood in the process of becoming erect, it can take up to 20 or 30 minutes of "aduquate" clitoral stimulation. The same as with your penis, you can have different degrees of a hardon from "turgid" (semi erect) to having a "boner" (rock hard).

Whle we are all quite unique, but it's been my experience that one of biggest problems women have in acheiving orgasm is they don't spend enough time getting "turned on." We often compare ourselves to male arousal which can happen more quickly. Remember the penis is a less complex organ than a vulva which can also birth a baby. And if a woman has never been orgasmic, the flow of blood to her erectile tissues might take a bit longer. The clitoris Darling, is just the tip of the icebreg as they say.

So I stand by the title as correct. We do want our clitoral legs and bulbs to be fully erect BEFORE vaginal thrusting. That's when our vagina's feel all plumped up and we want a penis inside us. That's when some exclaim, "Please fuck me, Darling!"

I do enjoy everyone's comments.

I agree Dean. The vibrator is a goddess send for many women.

Betty Dodson's picture
Tue, 10/28/2014 - 14:32

I began including the electric vibrator in partnersex when I was 36 years old. At first it was just used occasionally. By the time I was in my 40's the vibrator was included every time I had sex with a man or women partner. Today in my mid eighties I know my lovely orgasms are all due to my Magic Wand and dirty fantasies. Like you said, it gave you both the ability to come at the same time. Lovely!

We agree on analsex Ruenie.

Betty Dodson's picture
Tue, 10/28/2014 - 14:43

 Your episiotomy won't interfere with your vaginal sensitivity and yes, anal penetration would contact the deep spot as a rule. The big reason anal stimulation is so sensational is due to the many sensitive nerves in the anal canal. There is far more senistivity available in the anus than in our vaginas that as you know, also birth babies.

INSECURE MEN

Wed, 11/05/2014 - 12:24

Why is it so easy to detect that the insecure men who complain of the 'male bashing,' are most likely the ones who take offense to hear that they are not demi-gods in the boudoir and sending women into orgasmic rapture? Chances are most women who are dealing with plain intercourse are FAKING, and all these guys have to do is look at the statistics and the ratio of women who admit do faking. Numbers cannot lie. They start beating on their chests, name calling and just cannot adhere to anything new that could possibly enhance their sex lives with their women. That only goes to show WHY they have women faking orgasms with them...narrowminded. selfish, dictators who refuse to listen to anyone else....and oh so afraid of losing thier mastrubation rights within their current female's vagina....tsk tsk. These guys need to wake up and smell the coffee
Betty, once again you have done a fabulous job with the article and illustrations. YOU ROCK!!!

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