Learn a New Orgasm: How to Upgrade Your Masturbation Technique

Sun, 05/16/2010 - 17:38
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Over the years, one frequently asked question comes from women and a few men who are unable to incorporate their current method of masturbation into partnersex.

Many have carried the same pattern of childhood masturbation over into adulthood and it's now the only way they can get off. Some are stimulating their genitals with one or both hands pressed between legs that are tightly squeezed together while lying face down on their tummies- not conducive to sharing orgasms with another person. Others are humping folded blankets, wooden floors, riding the arm of an overstuffed chair or pressing against hard counter tops.

As kids, the idea was to come fast to avoid getting caught. If we were lying face down, mom, siblings or the baby sitter couldn't see what are naughty little hands were doing.

While Pressure and Tension orgasms are probably the most prevalent kind for a majority of people, they are limited in terms of bodily sensations- similar to a quick blip on the pleasure scale. The other problem is that they rarely translate into sharing orgasms with a partner. The solution is simple! It's time to upgrade your masturbation technique.

First let me emphasize, there are a gazillion ways to get off and there's no such thing as having a "wrong" kind of orgasm.

After years of observing my own orgasms plus all the women I've known personally and have worked with professionally, I've observed four basic categories: Pressure, Tension, Relaxation and the Combination that I call a "Rock and Roll Orgasm." This one combines elements of the first three. While breathing fully during a buildup, we are squeezing and releasing our muscles rhythmically with direct or indirect clitoral contact. Pressure or Tension orgasms are most often reached by holding our breath and gasping occasionally. Total relaxation orgasms or what I've also termed "Sleeping Beauty" are most rare. To remain totally relaxed while breathing deeply, someone else must do genital stimulation in a manner that is nearly perfect. Ha! If you find that person capture them quick!

While no two orgasms from self-stimulation are precisely the same, most women use some form of direct or indirect clitoral stimulation with or without penetration. The body responds with movement, no movement, along with varied breathing patterns from holding the breath to panting. Other women remain utterly silent while others make a variety of sounds. The mind can be paying attention to what the body is feeling, focused on sexual thoughts, or conjuring up a sex fantasy. Just as long as you're not planning a dinner menu or running the laundry list.

Pressure Orgasms: (No hands). One workshop woman said she pressed her clitoris against overstuffed furniture. Another pressed against the hard nose on her teddy bear. Some little girls squeeze their legs together to get those good feelings. Other's say wearing tight jeans got them off and more than a few were very fond of their bicycle seats. As a preteen, I was crazy about riding horses before I got interested in boys. Some women who grew up with a strong prohibition about touching themselves directly made a transition to stronger orgasms by letting water run on their clitoris from a bathtub faucet. I began rocking on a pillow pulled up tight between my legs until the "tickle" went away. At some point I just naturally segued over to my fingers and assumed everyone did the same. Not true.

Tension Orgasms: Direct genital rubbing combined with muscle tension gets most of us through puberty, into young adulthood, and for some, throughout the rest of their lives. Tension Orgasms rely on leg and buttock muscles being squeezed tight with the rest of the body held fairly rigid. While holding the breath, a fast motion is used on the clitoris or penis until orgasm explodes in a quick burst. These fast tension climaxes are silent and many of us grew up masturbating this way to avoid getting caught by our parents or siblings. These quick tension orgasms often carry over into many men ejaculating prematurely during partnersex.
A few women have orgasms with muscle tension only without any direct genital contact.

One woman climaxed by hanging from the top of a door to create tension in her entire body while squeezing her vaginal muscle tight. Another woman had orgasms from climbing a rope in gym class. In contrast to coming fast, a friend of mine developed tension orgasms without any clitoral contact into an art form. Now in her early fifties, she is in great shape with the isometric exercises she gets from straining against some form of erotic bondage by keeping her body rigid during elaborate scenes of suspension.

Most people claim to be too busy to spend any quality time enjoying sex. So it will come as no surprise when I say Tension Orgasms are the most common for the largest number of people. While there is no such thing as having a "wrong" kind of orgasm- some are definitely better than others. When a person spends more time building up sexual arousal by breathing, moving, and allowing the body to express a little joy with sounds of pleasure, it creates a more joyful and satisfying experience with orgasm. Fast sex is like fast food- it takes the edge off hunger but it's not all that nourishing.

Relaxation Orgasms: These are difficult to achieve alone because it's nearly impossible to be totally relaxed while doing some form of genital self-stimulation. My relaxed orgasms first happened in my teens with manual sex from a boyfriend's delicate touch. During long sessions of kissing and genital fondling, I was the classic Sleeping Beauty. To avoid exhibiting "animal-like" behavior, I kept releasing the build-up of sexual tension by consciously relaxing my muscles. This took concentration but I felt my reputation was at stake. At one point when I could hold back no longer, the orgasm would come and get me. As long as I did nothing to make this happen and he didn't put his penis inside my vagina, I was still considered a virgin.

The best way to experience Relaxation Orgasms is with a partner. A few teachers of Eastern sex practices have their students take turns giving and receiving manual genital sex with explicit verbal guidance telling one another exactly how to vary the stimulation. They are taught to slow down, relax the pelvic floor muscles, breathe deeply and allow their sexual energy to build gradually. Rajneesh, a Tantra teacher from India, called this a "valley orgasm"- sinking down into the sensation instead of building up as in a "peak orgasm," which is what I call a Tension Orgasm. Rajneesh believed that sex in the future would involve more fun, joy, friendship, and play than the serious affair it is now. I totally support this image. Both Rajneesh and Wilhelm Reich ended up in jail- an indication of how different ideas about sexual pleasure threatens insecure American men.

Combination Orgasms: These are my favorite so this is my bias. This style of orgasm uses tension and relaxation as well as some form of direct clitoral stimulation with either fingers or a vibrator along with vaginal penetration. The Combination Orgasm is what I ended up teaching in the masturbation workshops. Once I realized I could jump-start sexual arousal for women who had never had an orgasm by using the electric vibrator, I began teaching them how to harness all that power for pleasure. Even women who were already orgasmic with their hands could take their orgasms to the next level by masturbating much longer than the usual few minutes. The key to enjoying any electric vibrator is to manage the intensity of the vibrations. Mystic Wand with 5 different speeds which automatically controls the intensity. The idea is to build up slowly not to slam a strong vibe directly onto a cold clit- eek!

After getting in touch with the PC muscle by practicing Kegel exercises, begin slow penetration with a dildo while squeezing and releasing the pelvic floor muscle. Then add clitoral stimulation with a vibrator. While hips rock forward (inhale and flex the PC) and back (exhale and release the PC). The muscles are engaged similar to an athlete in motion. Combining these five elements- clitoral stimulation, vaginal penetration, PC muscle contractions, pelvic thrusting and breathing out loud makes the combination orgasm the one that translates most easily into partnersex. During intercourse, the woman or her partner simply adds her preferred kind of clitoral contact. In my opinion, the best approach is when a woman controls her clitoral stimulation the same as a man does with the angle and speed of vaginal thrusting. Sharing mutual orgasms combines the best of both her and his worlds creating more harmony between the sexes.

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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This is an incredible

Sun, 05/16/2010 - 19:32

This is an incredible resource and explanation. Succinct, clear - this feels like a manifesto. Can you imagine the cosmic sexual energy when so many more of us learn new ways to orgasm? It's gonna blow our minds.

And your explanation of how to tone down the strength of the vibrations on a cold, too-sensitive clit makes perfect sense. I remember putting a bulky back massager over my hand in a young tension/pressure orgasm as a kid. Ah, the memories.

I'm stoked to learn these new things, explained in ways that make me say, 'huh, I guess I wasn't so unique in x y or z," and "huh, cool, new ways to figure out how to feel good."

I love this place. More and more and more.

=======

http://darkgreeny.com

Darkgreeny Honey, it's

Mon, 05/17/2010 - 10:42

Darkgreeny Honey, it's really nice to be appreciated by you, a woman I admire as I follow your blogs. Clarity is one of my favorite things so it was nice to hear you say I dished some out.

Thanks, BAD

Information we all need

Wed, 05/19/2010 - 15:20

One of the best articles written for the site.

my story...please comment/reply

Fri, 06/18/2010 - 05:03

Thank you so much for this. This made me realise that I am not the only one who holds my breath while rubbing my clit fast for a quick orgasm. The question is, why is it that this is the only way I know how to orgasm?

I recently turned 18 years old.

I have my legs closed, lying on my back and use my middle finger of my right hand in an up and down motion very quickly. My left hand is firmly pressed like on my uterus using a few fingers. I hold my breath and occasionally gasp for air and orgasm for a few seconds- the moment i let go of my breath the orgasm goes. I have tried using dildos but cannot seem to achieve any sort of orgasm other than this. I do not particularly enjoy penetration but if I do want penetration it has to be from a penis and not a vibrator. What can I do??

I have grown up thinking that masturbation is bad. When I was about 8 years old my mom caught me and told me if I played down there my vagina would end up being funny and my fingers would fall off.

I continued nether the less. I have come from a conservative background where both my parents were virgins until they married. And as a result I have actually rebelled and had many sexual partners. Over 20. I do not see myself as a slut in any way but rather that I did not receive love from my parents as a child and as such try and get it in other ways.. Most of the time the sex has been very short and secretive. My parents have also never hugged me growing up..

I really want to be able to have a stable relationship and have amazing sex like my peers do. I cannot discuss this with anyone I know. I also have long inner labia which makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. I also get a dry vagina whilst having sex. Because I am so young with the sexual encounters I have, I do not know how to include lube into the equation as I think most old teens have no problem with vaginal dryness.

I had an abortion in January this year. I fell pregnant in November last year and went home to see my family over the holidays and as my father is a doctor he saw all the signs- told me to pee in a cup as he was testing something. I walked out the bathroom and was told I am pregnant.

My parents had not known I was sexually active before this..and I was 17 years old and in a conservative country. My dad then told me as I am on cipramil-an anti-depressant and had been on other anti-biotics during the pregnancy that the child would be deformed. But I was given the option of keeping it.

Nether the less the same day I had an abortion. My mom stayed with my throughout it and actually told the nurses to make it painful so I would learn.

I was put on the pill until this April when I had a Mirena put in. It was incredibly painful and I have gained a lot of weight-even though I am still slim. and I get terrible skin have chronic pains

Please can you give me advice as to what I can do... not only physically but emotionally. Some people view me as rather sexually active-even a slut. but no one really knows how many people I have slept with.

I would really appreciate it if you could reply...

your website is an inspiration and I am so glad I found it -through youtube.

Much Love....

ForeignPrincess

My 0.02$

Sun, 01/09/2011 - 16:38

Your lubrication is probably affected by both your birth control and your antiepresants. Both don't have a good record when it comes to sexual function. You need to discuss both of those issues with respective doctors (your gyn and your therapist). Generally the contraception will be easier to change. The meds are a bigger problem but I keep my finger crossed for you.
Other than that you need to make the sex about having your needs met in stead of fulfiling only other's needs in hope they'll love you for it. This includes using lubrication - don't apologise. If questions arise simply say that just becuse you're not wet doesn't meen you're not turned on. Even women who don't use medication can benefit form a bit of extra slickness.
I think you'd benefit a lot from talking about your issues with your family and sexuality with a professional. It's important that you find somebody sex-positive tough. More sex-negativity is not gonna help you. 

Information is available on the website

Sun, 01/09/2011 - 20:55

All of you concerns and quesitons are answered on our website. It simply takes some time and patience to read what's available. Your history is not unique but rather quite average. We live in a very sex negative society as you have learned first hand. Go to First Time Orgasm and plan on practicing your masturbation as a healing adventure. It will take time but you will eventually discover answers to all your questions. Forget your family as a resource for support. Look to other sources on the internet. Start with dodsonandross.com.

Dr. Betty

Now.

Thu, 02/10/2011 - 00:31
Gail (not verified)

Hi Betty,

Eric Francis is currently describing "some special healing process going on in women or available in women, unfolding as we speak, that is designed to unravel, make plain and help resolve some of the painful denial, pain and guilt associated with female desire."  all toward facilitating resolution of the conditioning that blocks our "self awareness, pleasure and ability to relate to the ones we love." 

*mwah* and thank you, Abigail 

Learning a new masturbation technique---

Sun, 07/03/2011 - 13:09
Edgerman58 (not verified)

Betty, I first want to say just how great your site is! I visit it two or three times a week, at least. I always find something of value there. Also, thanks for your reply to my first-ever post regarding "mixed-orientation" marriages. Seeing that the reply was from you put a smile on my face! My wife was excited by your reply, as well!
In this response, I want to focus on how my masturbation technique as evolved over the years, and how (thanks really to your early book about female masturbation) I focus much more on the process , and not just on "getting-off!" You got me thinking about that in the first place, and it has led to lots and lots of masturbation!
I guess you could say that I am an edging masturbator these days. I used to refer to it as "milking the bull." I think there is a curious irony in using such a description (with a definite twinge of masocism to it), but "edging" is a more short-hand term.
I remember reading a fantastic short story several years ago by Ceciiia Tan called True Story; and in it the narrator describes a masturbatory ritual that reminded me so much of my own attitude towards masturbation! Ms Tan seemed to have read my own mind! She carefully describes a long, slow, teasing process that had the main character in it (and me) squirming and panting for release!
I am still very much interested in the orgasm, of course, but for me, that is the icing on the cake. It is the build-up to the orgasm that I also love to savor! When I was a teenager, I jerked-off fast! I was always in a big hurry to blow my load! Over the years, and thanks to you and your books, my attitudes have greatly changed. Also, I've gotten older (and hopefully wiser!). There is masturbation, and there is masturbation!
For me, I love spending a long, long, time coaxing my libido; slowly, deliberately, teasingly. I have frequently done this over many days before I let myself come. Maybe it sounds twisted, but if I take a sufficient amount of time doing this, the orgasm (when I finally allow it) is really quite exquisite! Yes, I think there probably is a certain amount of "masocism" involved in this, but it really is a lot of fun. Cecelia Tan's short story captured that beautifully. It was told from a woman's point of view (which I found even more fascinating!), but the experience, itself, transcended gender. She might as well have been describing me! Even the fantasies she described seemed very similiar to the sort that I sometimes indulge in! It was amazing. But, it was her emphasis on the pleasure of her self-directed masocism, that was so much like my own, that really got to me!
There is a curious nexus where "pain" (or frustration, as well as anticipation) blends into "pleasure." One persons "pleasure" isn't the same as someone else's, and that certainly goes for "pain", as well! For me, masturbation has as much to do (these days) with the process that leads up to an orgasm as the orgasm itself. I love trying to stay in that difficult position between frustration and reward for as long as I can take! Three days. A week. Sometimes as long as two weeks. I savor the fluctuating desire between wanting to end the wait, and the urge to prolong it. For me, masturbation has long ceased to have anything at all to do with "procreation", and has become (kind of) and end in itself. At almost 60, what other way is there to regard it?
Your attitude, Betty, towards this is the healthier way of thinking about this issue. Besides, procreation is not the be-all and end-all of a human life! What happens to couples who are affected by menopause, or sickness? Men and womens bodies have different time-tables. I have known many men who, when their wives go through menopause, feel that they, too, have to cease being sexual beings. This is not true.
I have known men who feel guilty for going to adult bookstores, and for wanting to watch porn (and to masturbate). They load themselves down with guilt, and shame. It's terrible. I have been there myself, at one time! It's all so unnecessary.
Masturbation (and porn, and fantasy) has been such a good and healthy out-let for me. I always feel happy, and relaxed afterwords! I can work things out in my head while masturbating, and then, once I have indulged myself in that way---I feel good. Edging seems to provide the necessary amount of time in which to do that!
Edgerman58

Thanks Edgerman,

Sun, 07/03/2011 - 17:05

What a wonderful indepth sharing. I appreciate it and would love to have emails or comments like this all the time. This kind of honesty is exactly what we need to heal America's sexual sickness that's so full of guilt, shame and lack of information. It's great to have you and your wife on board with D&R.

me too!!

Tue, 07/05/2011 - 17:42
thisismyusername (not verified)

My whole life I've masturbated flat on my stomach pressing my hands into the area just above my clit and around my pussy.  I knew others must have done this too, but its great to see it written somewhere!  I've incorporated this into my sex life with my boyfriend by having him lay on top of me and using his penis to rub against my clit while I'm lying face down.  It works but its awkward and not as intimate as I'd like.
I've managed to train myself to do the same laying on my back, face-up.  I want to have more varied orgasms and not feel like I'm physically forcing it out of my body.  Practice makes perfect - I know I need to take the time to coach my body through new sensations... and also work on the social/psychological issues I let hold me back (that I'm sure many women do too).
Thanks, Betty for writing this!  

YES, but...

Mon, 07/18/2011 - 10:56
Reader (not verified)

Yes, great information, but when you talk about 'partner sex', you mention only heterosexual relationships. Though this addresses the majority of people, it certainly excludes many in same-sex partnerships. Perhaps you'll consider more inclusionary language in your writing in the future.

Thanks Reader,

Tue, 07/19/2011 - 09:52

for the reminder. I stand corrected and will be more inclusive in the future.

Edging an orgasm on xhamster.com

Sun, 09/18/2011 - 11:49
Edgerman58 (not verified)

I haven't posted anything here for quite a while, so I just wanted to bring to your attention that there are some really incredible videos on a variety of on-line porn sites (such as Xhamster.com, out of others!) that are fantastic examples for any couple, or individual, who may be curious about different masturbation techniques! I know not everyone is comfortable with watching other peoples private pleasures, but I happen to be one that does!
Ever since I was 11, or 12 (I think) and I watched a friend of mine jack-off in his room one day, I guess I have been a voyuer! I mean, watching him getting into it was exciting. Watching him finally come; well, that was even better! Mmm.
Anyway, over the years, I have slowly evolved into being an "edging" masturbator. There is nothing better than a very, very long, slow, teasing, and agonizingly drawn-out, session of almost coming!
Whew. I have gone for hours. Once, I think I lasted nearly four hours before I reached the point where I just suddenly couldn't refain any longer. It's hard to explain what that's like.
In a way, it's frustrating holding back for a long time; and yet, on the other hand, it's really very exquisite. Who would have ever thought (I certainly wouldn't have) that frustration could be enjoyable?
There is a very definite form of pleasure in coaxing and teasing my libido, though. I have found numerous video postings on Xtube, and Xhamster, that illustrate this beautifully! I have been pleasantly surprised to see a lot of my own edging techniques on these sites. It's nice to realize that there are others out there exploring their sexual mechanisims in a variety of ways.
Lately, I have been edging quite frequently, but when the moment to come approaches, I stop. Then I'll do that again, and again, and again. Lots of almost-orgasms, but not the ultimate finale'! I'll repeat this (sometimes), day after day; sometimes for as long as several weeks! That's not always easy to accomplish. Sometimes, I just loose control, and I'll tease myself just a bit too far, and Boom!
Sometimes, as I edge for that length of time, I'll play various fantasy scenarios in my head. (I have this one, particular, wierd fantasy where I am trying to be "chaste" for Larry Flynt, and that I have made some sort of crazy promise to him to "hold my place", in otherwords, not come, until he gives me some sort of signal , ie. his "permission", that he's ready for me to do that!! Yeah. I told you it's wierd. But that's what fantasies usually are!)
Anyway, I really love edging! After I do a really long, drawn-out edging session, I feel totally wasted afterwords. It's requires a lot of self-discipline to go for those long spans of time, and my libido feels wrung out when I'm finished. However, what keeps me doing this is the exquisite pleasure such a (long-denied) orgasm always brings. For me, orgasm is now all about quality, rather than quantity!
One other thing I want to add here about edging, is about an aspect of that called "milking." Sometimes, as I'm edging very close to orgasm, I'll begin oozing sperm, even though I haven't begun to ejaculate! At such a moment, I'm not having an orgasm, per se, and yet, I am producing sperm! Sometimes, I'll milk myself like that of a considerable quantity of sperm, and still not ejaculate, as such! Mmmmm! So, where is the orgasm in that? It's an orgasm, and yet, it isn't! There is a curious place where orgasm, and ejaculation, are somehow separate. It's part of what I've come to call the Sweet Spot!
Go to Xhamster, for example, and type in the words "milking", or "edging", or even "ruining", and see what pops up! I find a lot of interesting things to watch there. Have fun, and be inspired!
Edgerman58

Such an important bit of info!!!

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 21:59
Josie at SSHS (not verified)

This is one of the most important articles about female sexuality that I've found!  I'm so glad that I stumbled upon this site!  My best guy friend and I have a sex/relationship advice blog that is mostly for fun, but we want to truly help people and give great info.  Today is the first day we've linked to you, but we'll be doing it a lot more in the future.  Awesome work!
http://www.shesaidhesaid.me/post/11234445321/40-year-old-boyfriend
Josie and Eli

it's all in the build up

Sun, 10/16/2011 - 10:24
SexualSelf (not verified)

Hi Betty, I'm a woman who has experience as a hands-on sexual healer/surrogate partner. I once worked with a woman who had never had an orgasm. She watched my masturbation technique and then we spent some time exploring together how she liked to be touched. Her biggest revelation from the session was that there is a build up involved - she expected to be able to go from "cold clit" to orgasm with nothing in between. I'm so grateful to you for sharing the "how" of masturbation: you help to create an amazing space for freedom and expression.

Good advice, especially given we masturbate so much more now

Mon, 12/12/2011 - 12:29

Betty, This was an amazing article.  My boyfriend and I have already benefited. What you said about the "tension orgasms", is so true. They are urgent, an intense need, and don't allow sex couples to spend the time to make real love and experience the depth of pleasures that come from sex with another person; We both enjoyed masturbation so much growing up- his libido and strong ejaculation is testament to that (in no small part thanks to you). But in nurturing and developing our orgasms in that way, it is easy for us both to forget all the other pleasures and company of each other. Making sure we both masturbate once or twice during the day has become our ritual so we can take it slow and spend more time pleasuring and exploring each other at night. Even if it not intercourse,  but oral or the use of toys or with our hand each evening, it makes every night something special to look forward to instead of being consumed just by that overwhelming urge to orgasm.  Thanks as always!

p.s. did you read "Sex Toy Sales to Rival Smartphone Buys in The Next 10 Years" ?
I wish I had bought stock cause that the only industry that has been booming lately.  Given that people start masturbating earlier and enjoy doing it so much more now, and  these toys will only help, your kind of advice and guidance is becoming so important.
martheb123@yahoo

Dear foreign princess. You

Tue, 12/13/2011 - 15:14
Elin A (not verified)

Dear foreign princess.

You complain about gettig "dry" during intercourse. Not strange when you also write that you don't particularly enjoy penetration! If penetration isn't pleasurable, you will get dry very quickly. A lot of women don't experience their vaginas as erogenous. This is normal. Our pleasure-source is the clitoris.

I am disgusted by the way your parents treat you. But one thing in particular made me jump. It is how your dad said your child would be deformed! Did you get a second opinion? Had you even had an ultrasound or other tests to determin the baby's health and normalcy? Your father could easily have lied to you. Just because he's a doctor, doesn't mean he'll tell you the truth. Furthermore, you say you were "given the option" of keeping the baby. YOU ALWAYS HAVE THAT OPTION, YOUR PARENTS CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU. But the fact they said that tells me they seem to have that attitude. You are your own person and your body is yours. Noone can force you to have an unnecessary medical procedure even if you're not 18. (Or can they? I don't know what country you're from. Either way it's inhuman.)

About masturbating, I would browse the site and learn about different masturbation tachniques. They write a lot about that here. But I think you need to be in a safe place where noone can disturb you, so you can take your time and not risk having anyone judge you.

Long inner lips are also perfectly normal. There's actually quite a bit of debate around that, as women are tricked to believe they're disfigured. This because the media doesn't show the diversity of the vulva, long lips included.

And stop having sexual partners until you've learned to pleasure yourself and how your body works. If you keep having bad sex like that it will only be damaging to you. And from the way you write about it, it seems you use sex to get affection, and it doesn't seem to help you. And please, always use a condom no matter what other birthcontrol you're on. The risk of contracting an STD is a very serious one, and it increases if your vagina isn't well enough lubricated. HIV has no cure and leads to death.

Be your own best friend from now on. Be the parent you always wished you had and needed. Than you'll know what to do when they treat you badly.

Sincerely, Elin.

Face Down Orgasms

Thu, 01/19/2012 - 17:01
Anonymousxxxx (not verified)

I had a wonderful sexual partner who was multi-orgasmic and who I loved going down on. Nevertheless there were frequently times when she wanted the orgasms she had grown up with -- face down on the bed -- frequently after other orgasms. We made it into partnersex (at her suggestion) by having my hand tucked under her so it it was the pressure point on her clit. Sometimes we added penetration as well. It was actually quite intimate. It can be shared.

nice. i started at 11-with a

Fri, 02/10/2012 - 20:23
Anonymousine (not verified)

nice. i started at 11-with a pillow and a little plushy pig- i tried my hands but the pillow worked better. i had to learn o use my hands. but now it works.
And- a problem to not get caught? me? never. My paretns hat a good sex life and were very open about this theme. ( i have a good sex life too-i think^^^) Masturbation was never something dirty and i cant rememvber any humihilating experience, i think.. ive seen my parents naked and knwo, thet a body is a normal thing and that genitalia are part of a body. t was never e problem to talk to my dad while he was taking a bath, for my mom either. i felt ever a sense of disrespect in their behaviour.. one day i "caught" them accidantaly while they had sex.. and 15 jears after mom forgot to knock the door-so we are auqred now :D

but- like my orgasm, but i am cumming very very fast-if i am exited and aroused. -if a get aroused my vaginal muscles are contractings so bad, that it feels like a cramp.
at this point- i need to touch- tip my clitoris 1,2 seconds and i am coming. 2 seconds.. i am faster that my fiance- and in the time we are together, he slowed down. i didnt.
if i am not aroused, then i neet maybe 3,4 minutes of masturbation until i reach the peak.

-ist cmplicated to write this in a foreign language..^^
i like my orgasms, they feel good, but all the girls i hab-and all the boys were slower^^..

do you know somebody, whi is so fast that he needs 2,3 seconds to come, if hes fully aroused?

slowing down your orgasm

Sun, 05/27/2012 - 22:11
Anonymous7 (not verified)

Hi Anonymousine. Why don't you try touching something other than your clitoris? You can start with your labia, or run very light circles around your clitoris without touching it directly. I can come in about 2-3 mins of direct clitoral contact, but I avoid starting this way. Sometimes I like to alternate between vaginal and clitroral stimulation. I think the trick is to relax, breathe slowly, and switch things up before you come. If you come in a few seconds, only maintain clitoral contact for a second or two. Or try an entirely different masturbation technique (water, a different position with your partner, a new toy). It will probably take longer. If you are having this problem with a partner, pick a position where you are in control so you can move your clitoris away before coming.

masterbation

Mon, 07/02/2012 - 11:50
lanlan (not verified)

I want to say how interestin iv found this article and how good itis 2knw that im nt the only one who startin masterbatin at a young age, i started by usin my fingers and runnin them over my clitoris and then i started rubbin myself and pushin my hips forward and tensing, id continue this until i wud start twitching and my clit came over sensitive and i couldnt continue. i am knw 21 and have somewhat worked on this technique and can make myself come bt its always like a quick rush. i stil use my Fingers and rub my clit bt i dnt seem 2 have a huge rush of pleasure as such. i have a healthy sex life and my partner has made me achieve mind blowin orgasms i find penetration from behind and clitoris stimulation has made me squirt on a few occasions and this was the most amazing feeling ever :) i would love to be able 2 do this when masterbating. my partner is working away at the minute for afew months and im Really frustrated, iv masterbated but i want to pleasure myself so much so that i reach an extremely pleasurable orgasm, any ideas?

You have changed my life..the tears in my eyes are thanking you

Sat, 03/22/2014 - 12:29

I'm a 44 year old woman and will be married for 20 years this October.  I grew up in a home where sex was never discussed - I felt embassed and ashamed so as an adult I have not been open about my sexual feelings.  My husband and I dated for a few years before getting married and of course it was all about lust and pleasing him. As long as he had an orgasm - I did my job.  I really never even considered that it was important for me to have an orgasm so needless to say I didn't.   We had our first daughter which has neurological and pychiatric problems so I've spent the last 17 years at specialists and school meetings trying to allow her have the best life she can.  I also have another 13 year old daughter.  Throughout these years, our intimacy level  diminished greatly - we were having sex occassionally but it was very mechanical and unfulfilling (of course at the same time thinking there was something horribly wrong with me that I had never had an orgasm).  I felt very alone in dealing with the problems with my oldest daughter so I resented him and did way too much rejecting him in the beginning years.  I simply didn't have it to give and didn't know how to express myself sexually so I immersed myself in trying to help my daughter and raise my other daughter.  When I finally accepted and came to terms with my daughters issues and got myself into a better place - my husband had shut down.  The hurt he had felt from all the rejection had taken its toll.  So I've spent many years being the initiator - yet not being open about what I really want sexually or about that I haven't been having orgasms - so basically we've just been going through the motions and drifting farther apart intimately. I cant remember the last time he looked at me and acted like he really wanted to have sex with me - I just kept praying that somehow he could forgive me for the years of rejection and want me again.  Some how through all this we are two people that really enjoy each others company, we laugh, we have fun together, we talk about anything and support each other....(in every area other than intimacy).....it's so bazare.  We are such a good team in all other areas of our marriage.  Everything came to a head a few months ago - right before Christmas - he told me he wasn't happy - finally it was said out loud that our sex life is a serious problem.  All these years we had just brushed it under the rug and it was finally out there.  Of course it shook me to the core - the nightmare that I woke up to for years was finally coming true - 23 years with this man and father of my 2 daughters may be over.  It felt good that it was out but I was scared to death.  I researched and found an intensive 3 day couples therapy and talked him into going.  We went about 5 weeks ago and it really dug deep to understand all the "whys and hows" that we got to this point.  Now we are left with how to move forward - how to just snap our fingers and forget about the past and develop this amazing sex life.....easier said than done.  Basically right now I am focusing on working on myself.  I have been devouring your website and realizing the part I played in our intimacy problem.  I have vowed to myself that I will never be the sexually closed, repressed person again.  I have purchased some toys and am exploring and getting to know my own body.  Reading your book "Sex for One" was amazing.  I purchased and viewed your workshop video and it was life changing.  I feel like I'm alive for the first time in so long and can't begin to thank you enough.  You are changing my life.  I really don't know exactly what's going to happen with my marriage.... I know right now I have to keep working on myself and hope that at some point my husband can let go of the past and we can reconnect......but if not you have taught me that I am worthy of pleasure and can give that to myself and that I can't be dependent on anyone else for that.  I want to work everyday for the rest of my life at being more like you and Carlin- talk about an amazing team!!!  You both are inspiring me to be the best me I can be.....even if that is alone. You are my earth angels!!

 

In responce to a ForeignPrincess that truly is a princess...

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 21:30
Autumn S. (not verified)

I am 16 and have been through many men. People at school call me a slut but i dont feel like one either. First let me say that you are mo alone in any thing you go through. I am so sorry you had to go through what you did. They had no right to put you through any of that as mine dont me. No one deserves that. Now let me say that im not going to advise you or how to heal physically because i have no clue. However i am going to try the mental and emotional part. I was always terrified of men. Then i found a guy that i really like and am still with (surprisingly). I will not tell you to find a good guy because they are hard to come by and i dont know why you like in a guy but finding a guy that will treat you right is a huge part in healing. I dont know any of the men you were with but if i were a beting woman i would be willing to bet that, even if you couldnt see it, they were not the best of guys and you probably chose them because of the lack of love from your parents. Finding someone who will love you is essential. This may mean that you will have to look at the person from a "technical" prospective in stead of going someone wants me. Thats ok. Just fine them. This is the first step in healing. I wish i could be there with you to guide and help you.
P.s even if you feel like your parents dont love you please know that i do.
Always,
Autumn S.

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