Chivalry vs. Equality

Fri, 02/19/2016 - 11:37
Submitted by Carlin Ross

We should all be polite because we're both equal.

Chivalry was a fraud, but basic decency is always in good taste

Sat, 02/20/2016 - 19:23

I have been asked whether I open the door for women. I reply truthfully that I open the door for everybody, and always have. Whoever would push an old lady out of the way would also push an old man, or knock down somebody on crutches because they were late to their board meeting and were just  too darned important to slow down for anybody. All I have to do to have empathy is to remember the times in my life when I was mistreated. That tells me pretty much everything I need to know about how to treat others.

Good Manners

Sun, 02/21/2016 - 07:08

Good manners help make our world run just a little bit more smoothly, a little bit more pleasantly especially when living all higgledy piggledy on top of each other in cities. They're also one of the first things that seem to disappear in some relationships.

When I was younger I had no real idea of how important just a little bit of kindness in everyday life could turn out to be. Now looking around at friends and family, the relationships that have stood the test of time, whether lovers or friends, are the ones with a touch of kindness, empathy, understanding and, yes, good manners.

Maybe one of the reasons that friendships sometimes seem to last so much longer than lovers, is the respect that we routinely offer our friends, the everday kindnesses, the forgiveness and tolerance that seem so easy to offer up to friends, and so difficult to give to our partners.

When it comes to sexual good manners can we all agree that consent is fundamental, most everything else is negotiable but if you start with the idea that the woman comes first, you can't go far wrong.

Good manners and sincerity

Mon, 02/22/2016 - 00:07

We've probably all seen people whose politeness conceals icy contempt beneath the surface. Genuine courtesy comes from kindness and empathy---a recognition that other people have the same capacity for feelings that we do, and we acknowledge this by treating them well. Partnerships that are lasting share this core recognition of one another's humanity.

Consent is extremely important, of course. But NLH, in what sense did you mean that the woman 'comes first'? Inquiring minds want to know!

Inquiring minds

Mon, 02/22/2016 - 04:47


I agree that good manners come from the heart and are based on kindness. We need to make sure that we all have good manners in life and our sex lives too.

Re inquiring minds: Since a woman's response time for orgasm is longer, it seems to me to be simply good manners (as well as more fun) to at least start out with the intention that she should orgasm first in a hetero relationship.

For people who don't know each other well, it requires a conversation or at least communication about what works and what doesn't which also just makes for better sex for everyone involved.

& yes, ofcourse, just like birthplans, any discussions or plans relating to sex are likely to go disastrously or wonderfully wrong but at least we should start with the idea that both parties get to enjoy themselves and that needs some practical understanding.

If my male partner were slower then I'd also want to make sure to take enough time for him but that seems to happen so very rarely in real life, especially for the younger people on the site.

Wishing you well