Sexual Desire

TOP TEN SEX EXCUSES

1. Too tired

2. I'm not in the mood

3. I've got a headache

4. I've got to get up in the morning

5. I'm pre-occupied with work

My friend and colleague Marty Klein does it again with his criticism of sex self-help books. I've put my name on hundreds of friends self-help books and have written a few myself. Rarely do these books change people's sex lives into roaring pornified partnersex with screaming mind blowing orgasms. That last one, "Mind blowing orgasms" is my favorite one to hate.

My books "Liberating Masturbation" and it's follow up "Sex For One" simply gave permission so people could enjoy sex with themselves without guilt. That's the best most authors of sex books can do. Give permission and inspire, not promise all that other crap!  Here's the entire piece from Marty Klein's newsletter Sexual Intelligence:

I feel the same way. Some years it's bad boys....some years it's power brokers...and some years it's nice guys:

Research, published in the Royal Society journal Biology Letters, has shown that some female fish find different male traits attractive from year to year.

Evolutionary biologist and author Dr Bob Wong, of Monash University in Melbourne, says the changing preferences of female fish may play an important role in evolution.

In their study, Wong and lead author Tobi Lehtonen, also of the Monash University, gave female sand goby fish the choice of two mates.

It's so healthy to ogle:

MEN ogle up to TEN women every day, researchers have revealed. They spend an average of 43 minutes admiring girls - which adds up to A YEAR in a lifetime.  Women ogle up to six men for 20 minutes a day - or six months of their lives.

Mark Ireland, of Kodak Lens Vision Centres, which carried out the poll, said: "Men are renowned for looking at women but it's interesting to see just how long they spend doing it.

While I appreciate this woman's honesty and respect her feelings, her blog entry is a perfect example of a woman with a limited sexual script. Or call it "sex style." She was fortunate to get as far as she did on monogamous marital sex.

It's sad to hear anyone longing for something that is really quite available, if not in the flesh, in our minds at least. Nothing like a cyber affair to spice up your selfloving or delving into the darkest recesses of our minds for better masturbation fantasies with an array of fabulous sextoys.

I've spent my career separating partnersex from solosex from threewaysex from groupsex. They all have their time and place. I want to tell her to buy a massage. Consider one with "full release" or how about an escort service? Or any young man who delivers or fixes inside or outside the house. And why do so many women turn to other women for sexual pleasures when partnersex leaves a marriage? In the end, I felt her testimony represents so many women in the world who were raised to be dependent on one man for all of their sexual needs.

Dossie and I met back in the early seventies when I was bicoastal living in San Francisco part time. Our commune on Castro Steet rotated betweeen four to five people who were committed singles. As long as we lived together we agreed to avoid sexually pairing off. Dossie came to a few our communal sex parties. I remember her as a beautiful tiny faun with a mop of curly hair who loved sex. l'm glad to see her book coming out again. The information is pertenent for everyone who realizes that the limitations of monogamy doesn't work for everyone.

An underground hit for years in sexually experimental circles, Dossie Easton's and Janet W. Hardy's The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships and Other Adventures makes the case that we should all enjoy an occasional threesome, foursome, and moresome with friends and strangers. "We believe it's OK to have sex with anybody you love," Easton and Hardy write, "and we believe in loving everybody."

"Many people find their partner advertising unbeknownst to them; people set up anonymous dates and it turns out to be their spouse who answered the ad."

A friend once told me that I make eye contact too freely.  I'm not sure how to interact with people without looking in their eyes :(

A study has found that a man looks at a woman for an average of 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her - but more like four seconds if he's not The men looked into the eyes of actresses they considered beautiful for an average of 8.2 seconds, but that dropped to 4.5 seconds when gazing at those they rated less attractive.

The female students, however, did not differ in the amount of time they spent looking at the actors, the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior reported. The researchers believe that men use eye contact to seek out fit and fertile mates. But women are more wary of attracting unwanted attention because of the risks of unwanted pregnancy and single parenthood.