Menopause

Dear Betty & Carlin:

I am in my mid 40s, and during the past 6 months I have had a huge sexual awakening and catharsis which I attribute to hormonal fluctuations (perimenopause maybe?) and hence, a new interest in all things sexual; i've always had mental issues with sex due to an early childhood abuse situation, and a rape when I was in my teens. But now, I feel as though I have finally broken through all that, and want to make up for lost time.

Single, age 68 (very young), not in a relationship, but interested, hysterectomy at age 44, on estrogen replacement for over 20 years till last year, testosterone cream (a little) for 2-3 years till last year, surprise invasive breast cancer last year, lumpectomy Nov., as of April on Arimidex aromatase inhibitor, supposedly for next 5 yrs., I am trying to work the mind over matter, around the deprivation of all my "fountain of youth" hormones and am starting to despair over lack of physical both skin/touch and vaginal feeling and capability to respond to fantasy and masturbation (I try to keep up the good work and not let go of hope).

I am 61 years old. I have no libido and am no longer able to have an orgasm. I am using a bioidentical hormone cream preparation (applied to wrists) including estriol, progesterone, testosterone and dhea. I also use estrogen and testosterone cream 3x a week on the genital areas. I can't even achieve an orgasm from a vibrator, which I tried for the first time a few months ago. I seem to be having some bladder issues, such as incomplete voiding and pressure to urinate frequently. I feel that there is nothing left to help me. Can you suggest something else I could try?

My wife and I have not had sex for over six months. I am 65 and she is 58. She is going through (or has gone through) menopause. It was tough for her. Terrible hot flahses. She still has occasional hot flashes. About three years ago she had her ovaries removed. They were not cancerous, just a "problem" according to her OB-GYN. Her vagina has dried up and it is very painful for her to have sex. I have tried K-Y Jelly, but that has not helped. We used to make love about once a week. By all signs my wife enjoyed sex. She did not have orgasism during when I was in her, but I would usually bring her to orgasism by mouth and then enter her and come. Last year we only had sex about 3 times. We have talked about it. She says that her libido is gone. She had no desire for sex. Also it is painful for her. I have asked her about jerking me off when I need it and she said that is no poblem, but when "it" comes up, she never lends a "hand." I end up masterbating about twice a week, but I would really like help my wife solve the problems she is having and enjoy sex with her again. Do you have any advise for me?

I'm a 37 year old female who is recovering from a complete (including the ovaries) hysterectomy. I've not had sex yet but I'm worried about a decrease in sexual desire and the inability to get wet when I am in the throes. What can I do now on my own to insure that I can have great partner sex? Should I take vitamins? Are there exercises? Help.

I entered menopause at age 41 and am now 49. I completely lost my libido and in spite of trying HRT (testosterone) treatments, etc. it hasn't returned. My brain tells me I should want to have sex and I do want to have sex with my husband (who has also lost his sex drive, age 56). We now have a sexless marriage and can't seem to get it jump started. It takes a long time for me to have an orgasm now, if I do it's usually a blip and it's gone. I've never had any sexual problems prior to menopause. Help! We are drowning in apathy and don't know what to do!!! I feel hopeless.

i like sex. my wife desire is low and when she has sex it is painful and she would rather have nothing inserted. main position is like missionary but her legs closed and straight while my legs are straight but outside hers so penetration is less and not as deep. she says part of non-desire comes from japan where they mainly eat vegetables, japan diet where desire is not as much as in america. what can increase her desire and heal pain (whether physical or emotional or both).

I believe that a high percentage of my orgasmic pleasure lies in my uterine contractions, although I find it difficult to separate all that I feel during orgasm into the reaction of my various internal organs.

I am trying to convince myself that I will still experience orgasm if I lose my uterus (which a rapidly progressing uterine prolapse may necessitate). Can you educate me (and all of us) about the physical dynamics of orgasm. I am 58 and only became orgasmic at 47 when I used the magic wand for the first time. I do not want to stop being orgasmic!!!

Hi Betty!

It's so good to be able to discuss this with someone knowledgable and forthright. I am 55 yrs. old and have been postmenapausal for 6 yrs. My clitoral area is often tender to the touch even though I do use an oestrogen cream. This usually happens after enjoying some self pleasure. It is a problem because I want to have sex with my husband and also self pleasure more often but the discomfort is too distracting to achieve orgasm even though the desire is there.

Dear Betty

Just read your book "Sex for One" and it was brilliant - thank you for writing it!  On page 159 of the book you mentioned "natural hormones" that you took to counteract your drop in libido. Could you advise what they were and the sort of dosage you took. I really would appreciate it, as I live in the United Kingdom and have to endure a National Health service that is strapped for cash and politically motivate which means my situation is not going to receive the best possible response.

Hi Betty! It's so good to be able to discuss this with someone knowledgable and forthright. I am 55 yrs. old and have been postmenapausal for 6 yrs. My clitoral area is often tender to the touch even though I do use an oestrogen cream. This usually happens after enjoying some self pleasure. It is a problem because I want to have sex with my husband and also self pleasure more often but the discomfort is too distracting to achieve orgasm even though the desire is there. I have had the doctor check me for any infection and there is none. Right now I seem to only be able to enjoy sex 1-2 times a week because of this problem.