Disability & Sex

Betty and I wanted to introduce our new blogger Marylou Naccarato.  We met at AASECT, she's amazing, and she'll be covering the range of issues regarding sensuality and intimacy for people with short stature and disabilities. Here's her first post responding to a woman who's disabled and waking up her sex drive:

Hello my name is Rocio,

Just wanted to introduce myself since I am a new member, I am 33 year old woman. Just kind of waking up my sex drive again after a long hiatus. I am disabled and use a manual wheelchair, and I am just staring to realize wheelchair or not I am a sexy hot mama, and I am owning it.

Dear Rocio,

I think you are having an affair and don't want to admit it! Actually I think everyone should have an affair...seriously! I often ask people with a wry smile... "are you having an affair?" I get a confused look like...what are you saying??

Hello:

I have been admiring your site for years, but when I got the nerve to ask one of many hard questions for my wife's stroke she had in september of 2008. My question is if a woman has had a CVA or stroke, what happened to her sexuality? Since she has been home we have tried many times to have sex, but she does come close to enjoying like she did before. Any help in what I can do to help her enjoy this. Yes I have resorted to masterbation for myself, but the closeness is what I desire, when two bodies are one, that makes sex more enjoyable, more lasting. I feel I am not connecting to that part in her that we once had. I can stimulate her, but she tells me that it do does not help. Our old sex positions are not obtainable, or too slow to get to. I am asking a hard question from a man that loves sex and loves to take care of my loved one, we have been married for 38yrs and I dont need to be stopped in taking care of her.

Hello,

I have been having issues when I am with my partner, or by myself and I cry. I haven't had an orgasm in 4 years. (Now watching your video I know that I have had little ones) I have had much intercourse and great orgasms when I was in the military, and for the most part didn't have a problem. (Although it may have been more to fill the hole of loneliness). I am not on birth control (tried for a couple of days and I would have rivaled satan).

I would cry for one reason or another, (mostly over the fact that I couldn't come or that it was his fault) but after reading one of your articles I was excited! I felt empowered! And was that way for a
while into the session. There was times that I laughed so hard I almost cried. Until I went to putting my legs over the side of the bed, and within a minute I was curled into a ball very scared remembering the first time my boy friend "talked me into it."

I tried to talk my self through it being very understanding, but it didn't really work. I ended up getting more upset. Many years after we had parted we talked about it and it never really bothered me till now.

Dr Betty,

I actually was a virgin at the time of my rape and it was my first sexual experience ever. Anyway I have a new relationship and he is experienced but we have not gotten sexually intimate yet. He wants to make sure I am ready and wanting to do this, he is willing to wait. My question is, what do I need to expect when I do become intimate with him? Will it be as difficult as if I hadn't had sex at all or what should I do to make it easier for me my first real time? How can he make things easier for me as well?

Dear Dr. betty,

In feb. 1999 thankfully, i survived a major stroke that left my left side paralyzed/numb., i had laid on the floor for 2-3 days, before being found. i have been told numerous times that 1/3 of the left side of my brain died. i have not ever had a problem with achieving a vaginal orgasm, but definitely do now. what can i do., i have challenges with self-pleasuring. what can you suggest? thank you in advance for your help/suggestions, sincerely, waiting for help.

Hi Dr. Betty Dodson,

We love your books etc. After my complete prostate cancer surgery, things are now a lot different with sex! We are open to ideas from you how to make things better. My wife is very understanding but it just does not work like it did before the surgery. I have tried various medicines but no luck. Think maybe a pump or ring? Would appreciate any suggestions how to make it hard.

Dear Betty, Dear Betty,

I am a twenty-two year old virgin with severe rheumatoid arthritis. I've had a boyfriend now for a year, and though we have engaged in quite a lot of sexual activity, he is afraid that having sex with me will hurt me even more. I have extremely limited mobility in my left hip and right knee, and only so much stamina, but I love him and I want to try it. Even if it affects me poorly afterwards I'm still willing. Do you have any suggestions about what position might be the least likely to cause problems, and perhaps put my boyfriend at ease about hurting me?

Dear Dr. Betty,

I've read your books and visited your website for years and I appreciate how sex positive you are for men and women. I'm also aware of your experience as a feminist and therapist and I hope that you can bring both to bear on two questions I have. I'm a thirty-something, heterosexual, male and a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Because of my abuse I tend to shy away from physical contact until there is a great deal of trust between me and my partner. Even then, it is challenging for me to enjoy sex fully and I often cannot engage in it.

Dear Betty:

I just had a very unsatisfying appointment with a urologist. My wife and I have always had fantastic sex but as I am now approaching 70, about 4 years ago, I had to undergo a penile implant. The implant worked fine after a much longer than advertised healing period. It really takes about a full year to get to where there is no pain at all. I have also recently lost over 100 lbs and am at a very normal 175 lbs.(6 ft tall). Despite a high sex drive, however, I have a devil of a time ejaculating. I still love sex and we fantasize, etc. to spice it up. My wife usually has several orgasms with her vibrator while I play with her g spot and then we usually turn to taking care of me.

Dear Betty,

Since me and my boyfriend have been dating I've just not been sexually motivated to want to have sex with him. I have endometriosis which causes sex to be really painful at times and its difficult for me to want intercourse. Sometimes I won't even get sexually aroused at all... It's really frustrating. I’ve tried to talk to my doctors about this but they seem not to be interested in talking about it. Is there any natural way to help me with this problem? It says in the book to take ginseng... is there anything else that might help?