Natasha posted a link to James Prescott's research on body pleasure and the origins of violence. I read through the dense extract and it was life affirming. We have instincts that, at times, we question. Everything Betty teaches through her books and the workshops can be quantified. Touch and pleasure inhibit violence across the board.
It starts with maternal touch as infants. Cultures that support mothers, don't sexualize breastfeeding toddlers, and encourage general affection have less violence. The concept that pain is useful in child-rearing produces angry, aggressive adolescents and adults. Here's an interesting wrinkle: mothers who didn't experience orgasm were more likely to abuse their children.
Hope you're doing great.
This is Fabiola, from Mexico, your bodysex certification student and lifetime admirer. I write you to address a question that often comes to my mind since I started my journey at Bodysex, and as a sex researcher it marked the focus of everything I do.
For the last almost 4 years I've been developing my PhD dissertation on the influence of sexual norms and beliefs over the experience of sexual pleasure. As you can figure, the few research focused on sexual pleasure is not enough but have found a lot about sexual satisfaction, and here goes my question:
Do you consider sexual satisfaction and sexual pleasure to be different constructs, and why? I do.
Why write about gay male sex experience & technique here?
I respect, believe in and love what Betty & Carlin and the rest of the tribe are doing here. I truly feel we are physical beings first. Get that right, and we’ve got a shot at being good emotional beings.
And if we get that right we’ve got a shot at being good intellectual beings. And get that right we’ve got a chance of connecting spiritually with the world and being physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually at peace.
As a Buddhist and Friend I realize life is full of pain. I know that spiritual centering and love - and sex itself - can bring one measure of peace to assuage that pain. But as a physical being I know that pleasuring myself and others also can do much to offset that pain.
I just finished shooting/directing a DVD on the subject of energetic-sex mastery. So this week, I thought it would be cool to share some insights on the subject.
Firstly, what is energetic sexuality, or energy-sex?
I sometimes call energy-sex hands off, clothes on sex. We can conceptualize energy-sex as that which happens when we find ourselves magnetically attracted to somebody for no apparent conscious reason. Whatever that feeling in the body is - that pull - that “energy”, that’s what we are talking about. It’s as if, for a moment, the entire world disappears and we are engulfed in the desire to deeply connect with another human being.
The above link was recently posted on Salon. It was written by a single 50 year old woman who had a casual sexual arrangement with an old friend. I wanted to share this article because I could identify with the writer's concerns, but up to a point. Now, don't mistake my italicized statement as a vehement disagreement with what the article said. It isn't for me to agree or disagree with another's personal story. I greatly appreciate her willingness to talk about sex, especially considering where the story was posted and the 'demographics' of some Salon readers (some of these demographics are highlighted in the comments).
I wanted to make her info available, but I want to comment on what I consider to be oversimplifications to the concept of increased arousal and increased stimulation in several of her statements. This is getting into the minutia of sexual technique and any time you move down into the details, I consider them advanced sex concepts. As Betty often says to me, "Goddess is very often in the details."
It's all about touch: Scientists say they understand more about how the body responds to pleasurable touch. A team, including scientists from the Unilever company, have identified a class of nerve fibres in the skin which specifically send pleasure messages.
And people had to be stroked at a certain speed - 4-5cm per second - to activate the pleasure sensation. They say the study, published in Nature Neuroscience, could help understand how touch sustains human relationships.
There are some mechanisms in place that are associated with behaviour and reward which are there to ensure relationships continue.
I started masturbating in my early teens, but I wasn't having orgasms (or at least I didn't think I was). In my mind, I never orgasmed until a few years ago (I'm 21), and this was with a guy who I had been fooling around with for a while. Soon, the orgasms became regular (only during oral though.) Now I am with someone new. He's very affectionate, he loves to please me, and is constantly looking for new ways to give me pleasure. We've been together for a year. I have an orgasm every time he goes down on me (which is happily quite often), and I've been able to orgasm few times from manual stimulation. My problem is that sometimes the lead-up to the orgasms are not that great. During foreplay, I find myself constantly becoming distracted with external thoughts.