partner sex

Hi Betty,

I'm 19 years old and I've never orgasmed. I realize this isn't earth-shattering but I find it a problem. I've always been what you may call an "erotic" person in that sex has never been far from my mind but I've only recently started having sex (with my first love). I have a few problems. Number 1, I've never orgasmed from masturbation (and believe me I've tried many times). My boyfriend is really open to helping me but if I don't know what to do for myself, I can't tell him what I need.

I started masturbating in my early teens, but I wasn't having orgasms (or at least I didn't think I was). In my mind, I never orgasmed until a few years ago (I'm 21), and this was with a guy who I had been fooling around with for a while. Soon, the orgasms became regular (only during oral though.) Now I am with someone new. He's very affectionate, he loves to please me, and is constantly looking for new ways to give me pleasure. We've been together for a year. I have an orgasm every time he goes down on me (which is happily quite often), and I've been able to orgasm few times from manual stimulation. My problem is that sometimes the lead-up to the orgasms are not that great. During foreplay, I find myself constantly becoming distracted with external thoughts.

Dear Betty,

I'm am 19 years old and I think I have a healthy view of my body for my age, and everyday I become more and more comfortable. I started having sex a year ago with my boyfriend, and we actually moved in with each other around the same time. He is 22 now, but he has only had sex with a few other women. I started masturbating with great success around the same time.

My problem for you is that, while I have no problem orgasming on my own, I have never orgasmed in the presence of anyone, not even my boyfriend of one year- and we have sex all the time.

Betty,

I have had sex before but I am always questioning the right and wrong things to do..I am always wondering should we continue kissing, should i give him oral..do we have sex now, should I nibble his ears? I am clueless...Is there anything that kind of guides how it should flow or am I thinking about it too much. I think so much that when I do have sex I never have an orgasm cause I am worried if it feels good for him. I had a 9lb baby and fear  I maybe too loose. Help!

Dear Nan,

Hi Betty!

It's so good to be able to discuss this with someone knowledgeable and forthright. I am 55 yrs. old and have been postmenapausal for 6 yrs. My clitoral area is often tender to the touch even though I do use an estrogen cream. This usually happens after enjoying some self pleasure. It is a problem because I want to have sex with my husband and also self pleasure more often but the discomfort is too distracting to achieve orgasm even though the desire is there. I have had the doctor check me for any infection and there is none. Right now I seem to only be able to enjoy sex 1-2 times a week because of this problem.

Dear Linda,

Dear Dr Betty,

I emailed you almost a year ago asking about orgasm and not having feeling when trying to masturbate. I took your advice to heart (or rather, to clitoris), ordered a few different things including the Magic Wand and your Vaginal Barbell. I have to tell you how much you have improved my state of mind and by being able to help to guide me through this discovery process.

Dr. Betty,

I'm 42 and divorced and have been sexually inhibited most of my adult life. I'm in a new relationship with a wonderful partner and he's asking for more participation from me. I'm very quiet, not much sound at all, even when I do have an orgasm. He wants a little bit of "conversation" during sex and I'm also very shy about that. I love him, I want him to be happy and I really would like to do the things he's asking me to do. How do I get around my inhibitions? Also, I've never, ever had an orgasm during intercourse, only with stimulation of my clitoris. Is this something that's wrong with me? Am I doing something wrong?

Betty:

I have read and enjoyed your website for years and purchased many products over time. I appreciate your candor and straight forward advice, with which I agree most of the time. As a 57 year old male in a 35 year monogamous marriage, I think you missed something in your advice posted on line referenced above. WHAT ABOUT THE HUSBAND? I readily agree that from my perspective it is a selfish question, and one you have answered several times in the past. I think women should be advised of the pain from physical and emotional withdrawal her husband is going through, and given some advice on how she can ease that pain if she wants him to stick around to assist with her illnesses.