libido

Dear Betty,

I am in my late thirties and my fiance in his early forties. We've been together for two years. When we first met we had loads of amazing sex. Once we moved in together, about six months into the relationship, the sex petered out. First it was every two weeks, then every three. We are getting married in a month and we haven't had sex in five weeks! I'm freaking out!

I used to always crave sex and get turned on much more than I do now. I love my boyfriend and I am attracted to him. I'm just not in the mood as much. I wish I could feel different but I'm not sure what the problem is. Why?!

Hi Betty,

Would first like to thank you for this great site. Well, here it goes. I have been married for 15 years. During the last 5 or so the wife has gradually lost all her interest in sex. We use to have a great sexual relationship but now it has turned into almost none. Sex is few and far between maybe once every couple months. So I find myself pleasuring me often to make up for what dosent happen in bed between us.

Hi Betty. the first time i saw you was on a dvd, which a friend of mine had received from her aunt in the states, called the history of the female orgasm. then i went to see a sex therpaist who had attended some of your trainings. i log onto your sight fairly regularly, and watch the videos. you and carla are all about sexual enjoyment, etc, etc, etc....not even sure you'll identify with my question , or be able to direct me to some resources that may help.

Bottom line is, my libido has been on a gradual decline since my wedding night. as a teenager, i didn't have much sexual experience, but masturbated, and often would feel sexually aroused, craving an orgasm..........and today i've reached a place of not identifying with the person i once was, or specifically with the eelings i no longer feel. i don't have the patience to muster up a fantasy and masturbate, i feel there are so many other things i'd rather do. you talk about speaking to friends....when i did, i discovered a lot of my friends were feeling the same way, they had lost interest in sex, and would be happy to not have to deal with it. have you ever had woman asking about lost libido's??? any insights????

My wife and I have not had sex for over six months. I am 65 and she is 58. She is going through (or has gone through) menopause. It was tough for her. Terrible hot flahses. She still has occasional hot flashes. About three years ago she had her ovaries removed. They were not cancerous, just a "problem" according to her OB-GYN. Her vagina has dried up and it is very painful for her to have sex. I have tried K-Y Jelly, but that has not helped. We used to make love about once a week. By all signs my wife enjoyed sex. She did not have orgasism during when I was in her, but I would usually bring her to orgasism by mouth and then enter her and come. Last year we only had sex about 3 times. We have talked about it. She says that her libido is gone. She had no desire for sex. Also it is painful for her. I have asked her about jerking me off when I need it and she said that is no poblem, but when "it" comes up, she never lends a "hand." I end up masterbating about twice a week, but I would really like help my wife solve the problems she is having and enjoy sex with her again. Do you have any advise for me?

Hi betty, i just stumbled across you in a book called 'everything you know about sex is wrong', i loved you in it! So i looked you up online. I just watched your video clip answering questions of the female orgasm and it really opened my mind! I am 23yrs. I have a 7 month old baby and totally in love with the sexiest man. I've always had a healthy sex drive but lately i find myself perpetually sexually frustrated! I blame my partner because he NEVER wants to have sex it seems. I'm talking like once maybe twice a week.

I am a 24 and have a low sex drive. Their have been times when it feels like I don't have one at all. I have anxiety problems and have been on medications for it in the past, but my sex drive has still not returned. I was wondering if you had any suggestions for ways in which I could increase it naturally?

I am 29 years old and I've recently found myself in a sexual rut. Since the age of 17, I have enjoyed sex with many partners---around 50 to be exact. For the last two and a half years, I have been in a monogamous relationship with a wonderful man. He is supportive, patient, and kind in all aspects of the relationship. However, for some reason, I'm feeling less and less interested in sex. Every time he initiates it, I feel suffocated. I always push him away. I actually feel like I can't breathe.

Dear Betty,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year, and it was a relief, I must say. But during our relationship I have lost my interest in sex. I've been sexually active since I was 16, which started when my best friend and I were curious about each other. Being teenagers you want to explore and discover your body and also others. I had my first orgasm with him and I've found he is one of the only men who can pleasure me to the point of orgasm.

I have slept with lots of people and everyone hangs the term "Slut" over my head because I enjoy sex passionately and I am good at it, I have not had one complaint yet except my recent ex-boyfriend. 

I entered menopause at age 41 and am now 49. I completely lost my libido and in spite of trying HRT (testosterone) treatments, etc. it hasn't returned. My brain tells me I should want to have sex and I do want to have sex with my husband (who has also lost his sex drive, age 56). We now have a sexless marriage and can't seem to get it jump started. It takes a long time for me to have an orgasm now, if I do it's usually a blip and it's gone. I've never had any sexual problems prior to menopause. Help! We are drowning in apathy and don't know what to do!!! I feel hopeless.

Hi Betty!

Just found your website and wanted to pose a problem with you. After 20 yrs of marriage, I feel like I have lost my libido. My husband and I still have sex every week but he always initiates it and I just cum along so to speak. I do orgasm and I do masturbate( and have the best orgasms alone). I feel I am bored with the same partner and trust me, we have tried every variation out there, even swinging and bisexuality. But we were having jealousy issues with that lifestyle, so we stopped. I think I was overstimulated early on with all the sexual experimentation and now that we are strictly monogamous, it's no longer interesting. What is most frustrating is that I used to be the most sexual creature.

Hi Dr. Betty,

I stumbled on your webpage totaly by accident as I was browsing the net for answers and I was pleasently surprised at how open and honest you are. Its really a breath of fresh air to speak openly about sexuality and to share our experiences with other people.

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, when we first started dating sex was unpredictable, exciting and passionate. After a while all of that went away, it seems like he is lacking sex drive because I want to have sex at least every two days and he doesnt even touch me for days on end.