Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Dear Betty,

I discovered your website a couple months back and think that it is great that you are making sex positive information available to people on the web.

I am a 21 year old male who has been diagnosed with a few different mental disorders that make it difficult for me to interact with other people. Naturally this has made it so that I don't have very much experience with women. I've been going to therapy for a couple of years now (not taking any meds) and now feel genuinely ready to pursue a relationship with a women. The only problem is that being as old as I am women expect me to be more experienced or confident than I really am.

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Hi Dr. Betty,

I'm moving out of my parents house for the first time to begin college soon and am excited and terrified at the thought. One of the most worrisome things for me is the thought of dating and sex. I wasn't allowed to date in high school, I think being a teenage mother made my mom want to raise me and my sister with a sort of fear about the whole thing. Frustrating as this was it gave me no choice but to learn to be sexually self sufficient and I've had a very satisfying self sex life since I was twelve.

What I want to know is, how do I approach people or let them know I want to be approached? I feel so inadequate just getting into something most people have the hang of by fifteen.

Thank you so much,
C

Dear C,

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Cute guy. We're very compatible. He wants sex. I want sex (more so with a woman than with him, but whatever). Neither of us wants a relationship and this could be 100% no strings attached. He's charming, so sweet, we like the same types of media, and fuck, he wears a cowboy hat (take of that what you will). Oh, and if I get pregnant, our baby will be friggin' adorable.

But, pump those breaks. He's fucked one of my friends. Not only fucked her, but he was her first partner. Ever.

This has been an enlightening week. I’ve learned something new and potentially unburdening. Some of you will find this of interest and others will probably yawn and ask for a change of bloggers.

I went out with that man again, having decided that impulsive judgments were not worthy of my intellect and experience. Had to give him a second chance.

Guess what, I feel the same way I did when we first went out. It’s just not there. And if I, now this is just me talking, convinced myself that it was ok anyway, because he’s a nice man in so many ways, and the pickings are so slim, I’d kill myself.

In case anyone is wondering about my date, here’s the update.

The wind was so ferocious; I almost didn’t make it to the car. Is this an omen? Maybe I should just beg off.

Actually, before I got out the door was the inevitable and annoying obsessive conversation in my head -- What should I wear.

How do I want to look? Typically I’d be wearing jeans and boots, some crazy leathery jewelry, interesting but absolutely not seductive. Should that be different this time? It is a DATE after all. I ended up wearing pants, an ancient but great little Armani jacket, a leather bracelet, fishnet stockings, black, and then, oh no, could it be, a two inch heel. That was a surprise – to me. I wore my hair messy but pulled back but not in my typical ponytail. I looked great.

I have a blind date this weekend!!! First in three years. I thought it might be amusing to tell you all what some of my very intelligent and accomplished girlfriends told me to look out for and – project – on this date. The object, I came to understand, was to get a second one.

So let me say that MY intentions were to:

a. have a good dinner with conversation instead of with my kindle.

b. to laugh out loud and not have anyone think I was losing it because I was alone.