Why do Women Have Wedding Fantasies?

Dear Dr. Betty:

Many thanks to you and Carlin for such a sex-positive site. My question concerns weddings. My male cousin is getting married and the whole wedding planning thing has really caused so many bad feelings within the families involved. To make a long story somewhat short, my cousin's fiance has been dreaming of her wedding day since she was a little girl. Her mother has stated that this will be the weddings to end all weddings (here's hoping). The expense is getting out of control and my aunt and uncle can not afford their share of the costs.

My question is: Why do most women have these wedding fantasies? I am guilty as well. I had them when I was in my early 20's but when I did get married in my 30's, I had a small wedding. Could it be that since so many women are not sexually satisfied (regular orgasms), the wedding day fantasy has replaced orgasm? Or that women are inhibited in this society to express their true sexuality especially if it conflicts with mainstream ideas of female sexuality? Or are women just attention whores and want everyone to see us in ugly white dresses and eat horrible mass-produced food?

Thanks.

D

Dear D,

First, I would counsel your Aunt and Uncle to speak up about not being able or willing to pay so much. They need to state the number they can afford and not spend a dime more.

Well, you've named a few reasons why women are hooked on weddings and all the hoopla that goes with them. So you are right about the wedding fantasy as a substitute for sexual expression, lack of orgasms, low self esteem, few creative outlets and on top of that, we're never thin enough! Add to that we've been brain washed to believe we are not legitimate until we are married with at least one child. The cruelest part of all this is as soon as we follow all the rules to a tee, husband, babies, mortgage and debt, then we REALLY become invisible. So they give us a big church ceremony with the expensive dress (that rots in mothballs), throw a big party with dinner and dancing afterward. When it's all over you're too tired to do anything but throw up and go to sleep!

I got married at City Hall with two of my best friends as witnesses. They went back to work and we went to our favorite French restaurant, had several martinis (it was the fifties) and an early dinner. We went back to my studio because he'd already moved in and for the next seven years he came too fast for me to have my orgasm. I became a compulsive masturbator, but it did lead to my feminist commitment to promote electric vibrators so women would become responsible for their own orgasms.

Dr. Betty