Suddenly, NO ORGASMS

HI Betty,

I am writing to you in sheer desperation.  I got married a year back and have been regularly sexually active since  then. After 2-3 months of intercourse with my husband, I had my first  orgasm - an earth shattering one - and achieved it without any clitoral stimulation. I also used to ejaculate frequently( even when i didnt get an orgasm) This was in the month of March this year. After march, I had many more orgasms - very good ones and just when it was getting unbelivebly good - it suddenly stopped.

I was clueless why it happened. After 2 months of frustration, I started masturbating regularly and achieved orgasm thru clitoral stimulation. Even with my husband things got a little better as a achieved small orgasms thru stimulating myself while getting penetrated. BUT these orgasms were nowhere close to being as good and strong as the previous ones were( achieved minus the Clit stimulation) Now even this has suddenly stopped in geting me to climax... I am lost and depressed. Pls help! I want to be where I was in March.

Regards
Emma

Dear Emma,

Ah yes, I know this one well. I am in a heightened state of romantic desire having just fallen in love or gotten married (or started a new love affair) and our beginning sex is fantastic. In your case it was even more so due to the fact you were having orgasms for the fist time. If that means you didn't masturbate before you got married you are indeed lost.

I have no idea how old you are but the clues I hear are as follows: "After 2 months of frustration I started masturbating regularly and achieved orgasm thru clitoral stimulation." Then you say things got better with hubby as you had small orgasms stimulating your clit during penetration. Next you compare these orgasms to those beginning ones and determine they are no where as good. This is the problem.

We cannot compare first time romantic highly charged orgasms with the ones we are currently having. No two orgasms are ever alike! You are doing yourself a BIG disservice by comparing and complaining and feeling lost and depressed. None of this is good for future orgasms so you are now your own worst enemy. You can't go back to March but you can go forward and be in here in October. Our point of power is always in the present moment. So get either one of my books and read more on the site. It's time for you to get in touch with the realities of partnersex and female sexuality from an experienced woman's perspective. I personally think you're doing just fine if you stop fussing so much.

Dr. Betty.