Post-menopausal: Can Enjoy Sex But Discomfort When Masturbate

Hi Betty! It's so good to be able to discuss this with someone knowledgable and forthright. I am 55 yrs. old and have been postmenapausal for 6 yrs. My clitoral area is often tender to the touch even though I do use an oestrogen cream. This usually happens after enjoying some self pleasure. It is a problem because I want to have sex with my husband and also self pleasure more often but the discomfort is too distracting to achieve orgasm even though the desire is there. I have had the doctor check me for any infection and there is none. Right now I seem to only be able to enjoy sex 1-2 times a week because of this problem.

Dear Linda,

It would help if I knew what kind of stimulation you are using on your clitoris. If it's just fingers, then you need to use some kind of massage oil or other lubrication on this tender part of you vulva. If it's a vibrator, lighten up on the amount of pressure and again apply some kind of lubrication. I'm assuming your estrogen cream is applied vaginally on a regular basis. If not read my essay "Hormone Replacement: One Sexologist's Personal Experience." Perhaps that will clear things up for you.

Hi Betty,

If I am using my fingers, then I will use the natural lubricant from my vagina. I also sometimes use a vibrator with some Astroglide. As far as going lightly, I go as delicately as I can to provide the amount of stimulation necessary. The tenderness also happens during cunnilingus. After my husband's tongue touches the head of my clit a few times, it gets sore. I wondered if it is becoming over stimulated. I have been applying my estrogen cream vaginally every day now since I read your advice last week. Perhaps it will need some more time. Previously I was only applying it 2-3 times a week. I thought, too, that I would only touch the clit head towards the end of loving so that it is not touched too often and I will talk to husband about trying some different strategies. Any other advice you may have would be welcome, however.

Dear Linda,

I'll make sure the Hormone article is posted. Avoid direct contact with your clitoral glans. Don't pull back the hood and expose the glans. The natural lubricant from your vagina is not sufficient because it can be thin and dry out too quickly. Get my Sweet Almond Oil or some other high grade cold pressed nut oil. Astroglide contains many chemicals. You might be allergic to one of them. Since you are postmenopausal you don't need a water based lube that's designed for latex condoms. It takes several months for the hormones to be effective.

Just FYI, I have discovered that the Premarin cream seems to be the culprit irritating my clit. I am now very careful not to get any in the clit area. The almond oil is a great lubricant. I love

the feel of it on my pussy!

Thanks again,