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Betty Dodson: Sex, Love, Feminism, Politics › Ask Betty ›

On my Stomach with My Legs Tense Isn't Cutting It Anymore

Published April 18th by Betty Dodson
in

Hi Betty and Carlin!

I'm a 23 year old woman, have been masturbating since childhood & orgasmic since I was 14 or so. I'm gay, mostly. My problem is that I can generally only orgasm as follows: lying on my front, with my legs squeezed together,kind of humping my hand or a vibe. Very occasionally I'll reach orgasm while on my hands & knees, generally while being vaginally fisted, but my legs still have to be together.

My orgasms are not great, feel very tense and forced, not very profound. Often when I'm with a lover I get very frustrated and emotional because I find it so hard to come - I'll be incredibly turned on, but can't hook into the orgasm somehow.

How can I have better, deeper orgasms? How can I work towards having orgasms in different positions?

Thanks

Dear C,

Your masturbation style hasn't been upgraded since childhood. Use our search engine and type in "First Time Orgasm." Even though you are having tension orgasms, as you see, they are not all that satisfying. When all else fails, follow my directions. Be patient. It takes a while to break an old habit, but it will happen. I'd love to hear back from you after you develop your new masturbation skills.

Dr. Betty

 

 

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That's the way that I

Submitted by manda (not verified) on Tue, 04/28/2009 - 04:01.

That's the way that I learned to do it as a child as well...I began when I was three. I have felt that very forced feeling many times before. Not until recently have I been learning to come with something inside of me (dildo) while stimulating my clit. I used to exaggerate the noises so that I could get more into it. Now, the noises come naturally. I guess it takes some time and practice with new things.

I have to read stories (www.literotica.com) ,watch videos (www.redtube.com) , or have my partner talk to me in a way that turns me on. Basically...find what turns you on most and tease yourself with it until you can't take it anymore.

I never thought I could even come close to having a normal orgasm. I haven't had a full-blown unforgettable one yet, but they feel so much better now that I've gotten more experienced with touching myself.

Good luck!

Good Luck

Submitted by Anonymous User (not verified) on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 15:16.

Hello,

i'm writing from germany, so my English is not perfect, hope you will understand me. I know this kind of masturbation, too and it made me very unhappy in my first sex-experiences with men. Now I'm 40 years old and I learned to use a vibrator touching my vagina and stimulating my clit. It's lovely. But first you have to be relaxed and you have to love yourself and your body. It is not so easy, when you had made a lot of frustrating sex dates, but you can learn. I began to masturbate every day and to make experiments with my vagina. Read books about female sexuality, make some kind of sports and some kind of relaxation technique, be proud of you and take some genital photos. Don't hurry with your experiments. You have all the time you want. You can learn everything, but you have to be proud and overcome shame. Shame and low selfworth are the enemies of happy and fullfilling sexual life. Wish you all the best!!!

Greetings from Germany
Alex

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