My Sexual Beginnings: Patsy

Mon, 04/24/2006 - 23:00
Submitted by Anonymous

Dear Betty Dodson,

I was so inspired when I read your work that I pulled the curtains on the window, let some of the bright afternoon sun in at the edges, and masturbated delightfully. I clearly remember discovering my clitoris when I was nine, sitting on the john wiping myself. If I wiped hard, I gave myself some kind of shock. I tried the trick a couple of times but then dismissed it as some quirk of nature, something that almost hurt, but felt good.

I didn't do any more exploring until I was thirteen when I read my father's copy of the Kinsey Report on Female Sexual Behavior from cover to cover. I was fascinated that it was supposed to feel so good, and I had to try out some of the self-stimulation techniques in the book. Yes, it worked, but wasn't that good the first time. I concluded I needed practice.

Sometime later while looking through my brother's Boy Scout Handbook, I came upon the chapter that dealt with masturbation. There I learned the truth I had long suspected-it was not good for the development of my character. The chapter dismissed pimples and insanity but hinted that is was surely a nasty habit to be avoided.

By then, I was truly addicted to the sublime activity and felt the only drawback was the smell left on my fingers. So I found a old pair of white Sunday School gloves to use in my nightly pastime. I hid them deep in the bottom drawer of my chest but always feared the smell would give me away.

I was also sure I would somehow receive punishment later in life, that it would be impossible to have a normal orgasm with a man. Indeed, it went that way. My long list of lovers, I suspect, was just a quest to find a "come." I also felt I was reaping the just deserts of my childhood exploration of myself. I felt so guilt ridden that I couldn't bring myself to tell a man that I couldn't come unless he stimulated me directly with his hand. I was sure he'd guess I had been a masturbator. But mostly I was frustrated, and angry.

After many years, I have finally accepted the fact that I need direct stimulation on my clitoris and that masturbation is the best kind of sex for me. I'm glad my compulsive "quest" of finding a man to do it is over. Your book is just great, the kind of support I've needed for a long time. I actually wanted to write a book on masturbation a few years back but found most women were too embarrassed to talk about it with me. Now you've said it all. Thanks for coming my way with your life and your honesty.

Patsy C.
Washington, DC

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