My Pussy Is Too Tight!

Sat, 04/15/2006 - 23:00
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

I'm a 21 year old who has never had sex. It's not that I haven't tried. But my vagina is so tight that my boyfriend can't penetrate me. I first tried having sex when I was 17 with my boyfriend at that time. We were both inexperienced and after trying various positions, we finally gave up because I was starting to get sore.

Now, I have a different boyfriend, and we have the same problem once again. My current boyfriend has had sex before so I realize that it's me and my tight vagina that's preventing us from having any intercourse. Once again, we tried various positions, but it hurt a lot and I even bled a little. What is wrong with me? And what can I do to make my vagina not so tight?

J

Dear J,

There is nothing wrong with you that can’t easily be corrected. First, get my Vaginal Barbell and read the directions very carefully. I recommend you take control of penetration by practicing with yourself. Once you get in touch with your pelvic floor muscle you can learn to relax it by squeezing and releasing it consciously. Use plenty of massage oil, go slow, and breathe into the sensations. Always practice vaginal penetration while doing some form of clitoral stimulation to get blood into your genitals.

Another possibility is that you might have a thick hymen that needs to be removed by your health care provider. It’s the bit of skin that partially covers the vaginal opening. With a good light and a mirror, you could determine this for yourself.

This kind of sex information should have been taught in high school. But as long as America remains sexually ignorant by supporting abstinence-only sex education, which as you see is no education at all, young women and men will continue to suffer through painful first time intercourse, confusion about STD’s, and unwanted pregnancies due to the lack of birth control information. All the more reason to vote so we can elect some sex positive people to change these repressive laws.

Betty

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Vaginismus

Thu, 05/28/2015 - 23:26

I know the OP's post is almost a decade old, but other women with this problem are likely to end up here while searching for an answer, so I'm going to risk reviving a zombie thread by adding some info and pointers to other resources.

The condition is called vaginismus, and it is "the result of an involuntary vaginal muscle spasm, which makes any kind of vaginal penetration—including sexual intercourse—painful or impossible." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus)

It can be caused by many things, including past traumas or vaginal infections that can have few or no other symptoms besides pain on penetration.  

For virgins, however, one of the most common causes is having been told in childhood or adolescence that losing your virginity is always extremely painful.  Even after learning that this is rarely true, a virgin may unconsciously flinch in anticipation of pain, clenching the muscles around the vaginal entrance, and thus creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Anyway, the good news is that vaginismus is almost always curable.

First, be sure that there is no underlying infection causing pain on penetration.  Go to a good gynecologist and tell her you are having vaginal pain and have her check not just for bacterial vaginitis, but for micro-ulcers from viruses like HPV.

If there is an underlying cause of the pain, you must get it cleared up before you can tackle the vaginismus itself.  Vaginismus can be a learned reflex in which the muscles clamp to protect you from that pain.  See this link for more help:  It hurts incredibly to have sex. What are some suggestions to make it easier and less painful?

Once you have cleared up any underlying problem, if any, treatment for vaginismus consists of gentle relaxation and stretching exercises.  It is somewhat easier if you have a therapist or partner help you do it, but with patience you can do it yourself.  The links below describe the therapy process, using fingers and dilators to slowly and gently stretch the muscles and get them to relax and tolerate penetration.

Some people say that taking a muscle relaxant or some alcohol or marijuana can make the therapy easier.  Your gynecologist can prescribe a muscle relaxant in the form of a vaginal suppository or cream that can be stronger and more effective than a pill because it is much more localized in its effect.

You should also start doing kegel exercises several times a day.  Although these exercises are often prescribed as a way to strengthen the muscles at the vaginal entrance, they also help you learn how to contract and relax those muscles.

Along those lines, I also recommend learning how to meditate and do progressive muscle relaxation exercises.  There are some excellent audio tapes at Dartmouth University's wellness website that many people have found helpful:  Relaxation Downloads.

The fear and frustration increases the tension and makes the vaginismus worse when attempting vaginal intercourse, so it is important to avoid painful vaginal penetration.

The pain reinforces the conditioning that causes the muscles to spasm, which causes the pain.  It's a vicious circle, and you need to stop triggering it so you can get rid of the conditioning. If it hurts, don't do it!

If you are married or in a committed relationship, switch to other kinds of sex.  They can be just as satisfying as vaginal sex and many people find them even more satisfying.  The link above has some good suggestions.

More resources:

Vaginismus: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment

What is it like to have vaginismus?

Symptoms - Vaginismus.com

Notes to Virgins: Painful sex / Vaginismus

How to Use a Vaginal Dilator | Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center

Vaginal Dilator Set - Vaginismus.com (~$45)

Kegel exercise - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Kegel exercises: A how-to guide for women - Mayo Clinic 

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