My Anal Cancer Diagnosis

I have just started another round of follow-up tests, so it's been an anxiety-provoking week. I got a positive (i.e. negative) report on Thursday that the "area of concern" for 6 months is "reactive inflammation, with no sign of dysplasia," which means the scab up my ass is not a precancerous or cancerous lesion (recurrence) like the one that killed Farrah Fawcett.

To say this wreaks havoc with one's sex life is an understatement. I hate my dilators and all the sex toys in the box. I hate using the wonderful vitamin E (for oral use only) and saliva for lubrication (which work like a charm, I'm very lucky). I have always wanted sex, lots of it, and good sex, and had plenty.

I got HPV from it, which was treated successfully in 1987. The medical profession did not yet know how to test for anal HPV ...which I must have had, DESPITE the fact that I was not into anal sex.

Everyone thinks if you have gotten anal cancer that you must have been an anal sex aficionado. For me, it's an exit not an entrance. Though if someone likes it, fine. I don't. So you can only imagine how delighted I am, since I've now had more doctors, probes, and cameras up my butt. I was already "anal retentive" enough. I didn't need any more!

Betty and Carlin asked for a "personal article," so here you go. I'll cut to the chase, since I have a maximum word limit.

I got really fucked on July 14th, 2008, when I got a diagnosis of a Class III 4 cm rare squamous cell carcinoma tumor in my anus. I was the picture of health and energy, and asymptomatic. My sex life was fun and regular at 2-5x a week. I had managed to thrive despite the vagueries of an ageing vagina with thinning membranes, and all was well. I had found my Goldilox® ("just right") Lining.

The protocol for treating anal (not rectal) cancer is not surgery (unless there is a recurrence requiring a complete abdomino-perineal/AP resection, which closes up your bottom for a permanent colostomy bag). The best treatment so far is barbaric and grueling chemotherapy, which has temporary and permanent effects - and six weeks of daily radiation (firetorching) to your anus and the surrounding organs. The avant-garde intensity modulated radiation therapy (IMRT) minimizes damage to adjacent organs (vulva, vagina, perineum, anus, rectum, bladder, intestines, and blood vessels and nerves, including those in the hips and legs.). However, there is no way to avoid permanent damage. It's a crap shoot and highly individual as to how much damage you get.

Radiation is the "gift that keeps on giving." Sometimes the bad effects come out months and years later. Radiation is a carcinogen. It damages organs and tissues. It also kills cancer, usually in combination with chemotherapy (which prevents growth and makes radiation work better). It works for months after the initial ray gun dosage.

The only way to save your life is to forever change your sex life. Most of the women, and many of the men give it up. I chose to do otherwise and follow the humiliating and unpleasant advice of the radiation oncologists and gynecological oncologists: Do "Sexual Health Exercises" as often as one can stand to do them. This requires dilation with medical dilators and/or Betty's sex toys. It's fine if you got off on them and liked them in the first place. I'm straight, more or less (an article for another time). The last thing I enjoy are unreal things up my pussy. Ugh.

But my doctors have told me that I am "ahead of the curve." It's been less than a year, and I'm having regular but less frequent intercourse. (I have to push through burning and pain at the introitus.) I prefer intercourse to AMSR (alternate means of sexual release), so I work my butt off to succeed.

As I taught back in the early 70s in my sexuality workshops, ageing and handicaps require the greatest amount of sexual liberation! Pelvic radiation requires understanding that PTSD does not apply. The trauma of female castration (not just castration anxiety) is neither "post" nor a "disorder." It's an ongoing trauma of major proportions. We all need to learn more about it. I consider it my duty and calling to help our sister and fellow victims to survive and thrive.

 J.