Menopause Killed My Libido

I entered menopause at age 41 and am now 49. I completely lost my libido and in spite of trying HRT (testosterone) treatments, etc. it hasn't returned. My brain tells me I should want to have sex and I do want to have sex with my husband (who has also lost his sex drive, age 56). We now have a sexless marriage and can't seem to get it jump started. It takes a long time for me to have an orgasm now, if I do it's usually a blip and it's gone. I've never had any sexual problems prior to menopause. Help! We are drowning in apathy and don't know what to do!!! I feel hopeless.

Dear EM,

As we age our desire for sex alone or with a partner is always a challenge. Right now, my sexlife is primarily with myself. Of course, my work is sex related which keeps my mind occupied with sexual matters but that doesn't always translate to having sex with me or someone else. If I waited for the "spirit to move me" I'd never have another orgasm. I treat it more like exercising or going to my health club..."Just do it!" sort of thing. After a few minutes with the Magic Wand on my clitoris while searching for a hot fantasy or image to occupy my mind, lo and behold a spark is rekindled. Yes it takes longer now but so what? And sometimes my orgasm is just a "blip" like you said. But as I say, there is no such thing as having a bad orgasm. I would suggest that using massage oil for masturbation and including sex toys will definitely kick start a spark. You might also consider hiring a professional sex worker or friend to join you for a threesome. A new pussy will always interest a man and who knows, it might awaken your bisexuality.

MOST IMPORTANT is to stop comparing what you experience now with what it was like back then. Than start counting your blessings and thinking "gratitude" for what you do have. Make a list, check it twice, see if you can discover what's naughty and nice.

Dr. Betty