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Betty Dodson: Sex, Love, Feminism, Politics › Ask Betty ›

How Do We Seduce as a Couple?

Published April 7th by Betty Dodson
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My man and I have wanted to branch out into threesomes with another female for a long time now. We have great sex and are not at all shy with each other... problem is, we're both a little shy when it comes to trying to find another female to join us. I don't even know where to begin... I know the internet can be a good resource for shy people and I have tried it some, but most women seemed turned off by the idea of joining a couple and I can never get any to agree to meet us. I have also tried to find women who might be interested on my own, but again most seemed turned off if I ever even mention the idea of letting my boyfriend watch or join.

Any ideas on how we might be able to meet women who would be interested in being our third? Places to go, lines to use?

Dear R,

When I was first interested in threesomes, I checked out my close girlfriends first and eventually found one who was interested. It's really best when the two women like each other. Although I don't know where you live, here in NYC we have an organization called OneLegUPnyc that has parties where like minded couples meet. If they find someone they like, they can make a date. The Polyamory folks are also a good place to check out. Now that we have the internet, I would imagine it's much easier to connect than ever before. Feeling shy is part of the fun. Once you push through your initial shyness, it becomes just another game that's more pleasurable than bowling or bridge. Let me know what places you discovered and I'll pass the info along.

Dr. Betty

 

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Wow, I feel like a celebrity now!

carlisleorama's picture
Submitted by carlisleorama on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 00:32.

I'm surprised to actually see my question here on the site. Don't know why, you guys are so good about answering questions. But, that's not why I'm commenting here.

When you used the word "Polyamory" that struck a chord with me as being the right place to start my search. Since I live in Boulder, famous for it's free love style hippie community (which is, of course, mostly a myth at this point. Everyone who lives here now is just rich and old), so I thought there was a pretty good chance that there would actually be a polyamory group or community of some sort here. I was right! There's one that meets every Monday night at the public library, of all places.

I went, and it was great. I didn't meet anyone that I actually want to "date," but lucky for me I didn't go into expecting that I would. I expected to meet a lot of great people and get support for what I feel is a healthy sexual lifestyle, and I got all that in spades. So good thinking, Dr. Betty. I'll try not to bother you too much for advice in the future, but when you're so right on all the time it'll be hard not to.

I've also had a problem

Petunia's picture
Submitted by Petunia on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 00:35.

I've also had a problem finding another woman to join myself and a male friend of mine. I've looked into OneLegUp, but the "take-out" parties are always on days that I can't make it. Other similar options such as various swinger clubs and parties have all led to nothing, they either have a big cover charge, are mobbed very sleazy people or are so picky that it's a turn off. Forced dresscodes and the option of being turned away at the door for not looking right don't really appeal to the friendly atmosphere I'd like to find in such a place. And unfortunately, my female friends are not into this sort of thing. There is always the infamous Craigslist- which can be a waste of time- and very creepy; it's mostly men who reply to ads there I've noticed. The one woman I did meet who was looking for a couple said she wasn't comfortable that we aren't monogamous- to which I reply "a monogamous couple isn't going to have sex with you." Its oddly easier to find another man to join than another woman. I get the feeling there are probably plently of women out there that would be interested, but they just don't go looking for it, unfortunately.

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