How Can I Train My Vagina for Penetration?

I recently discovered this web page and your writing - and I was really excited because I find the work you do so amazing. I agree with many of the things you say about sex and about relationships in general and it's good to have it put into words for once. Though I've always been pretty confident about my sexuality, following the things you and Carlin are doing strengthens me and makes me even more open about it. So: Thank you!

However, besides my appreciation for you, there is another reason why I'm writing to you. To introduce myself: I'm a 22-year-old woman and I've been sexually active with partners since I was 17. I have abandoned exclusive relationships for some time now and I'm very happy experimenting right now. I have always enjoyed sex play, as you might call it, as "a whole", with vaginal penetration being just one part of it. Though I love it that way, I'd sometimes like to have more vaginal intercourse than I "can".

I somehow find penetration very uncomfortable after a time (which can be pretty short). It's not easy to identify, but it feels it is the friction becoming uncomfortable at first and even painful then. I guess it has something to do with how my vagina is being stretched, because every time I have vaginal intercourse, I have to take it very slowly in the beginning. We have to go very slow, bit by bit and take some time for me to get adapted - which is fine but I guess it goes together. It's like this with all guys and sizes, though it's a bit better with smaller dicks (or toys). So the point is that even as I stop when it doesn't feel good anymore, I usually can't have vaginal intercourse again the same day because it hurts. And this is sad somehow, because during a long afternoon or evening with a guy, I'd really like to have it for more than 1x10 minutes...

I mentioned this problem to my gynaecologist once and he said that anatomically, he doesn't see a reason for it as my vagina is not especially tight or something. (Anyhow, he's a doctor and not a sexologist ...) He was nice, talking about barriers and maybe being tense and stuff, but I'm pretty sure that's not the point with me. I can let go rather easily and I usually get very wet. The only thing I noticed it that it's better without condoms (though not gone), but as I have multiple partners, that's no option for me. Sorry for all these details but I tried to explain well what this is about... Maybe you can help me or have an idea about what is going on or what I could do. As a said, it's not such a big problem as I enjoy sex in all variations, but it can be annoying if you have to stop when you're right at it! And I guess I want to have it all. ...

All the best for you and your work,
C

Dear C,

Thanks for all your appreciation. Always good to know we are being heard. And thanks for all the details, it actually helps me to better answer questions. My first thoughts on you vaginal discomfort is not to depend upon your own lubrication which can be thin or dry out quickly. We have discovered a new condom that can be used with my Almond massage oil which I love and adore for all forms of penetration. Latex condoms require using water based lube which always has lots of chemicals that can irritate mucous membrane. Some women are allergic to latex and others can't tolerate the chemicals. I doubt it is a penis size problem and we should all go slow with any kind of penetration. You mentioned it's better w/o condoms. Give the SKYN condoms a try and see if that improves or eliminates the pain and discomfort. Let me know.

Dr. Betty

Thank for for the quick and very nice answer. It's funny because as you said, I actually find usual latex condoms with their chemicals very uncomfortable. I've been using Manix Crystal Condoms which are hypoallergenic, but still latex. As I'm from Europe, there are basically only two types of non-latex condoms on the market here: Durex Avanti and Blausiegel something. They're a bit behind with alternative materials here. The Skyn condoms sound great, but unfortunately they are not licenced in the EU. I'll check shipping, but that might get pretty expensive. Anyway, I'll try different lubes for now and see if I can get hold of the condoms you mentioned.

Thanks for your advice,
C