How Can I Accept Husband's Masturbation Habit?

I found my husband/partner of four years masturbating in the shower last night. After confronting him about it this morning, he says he has had a problem with doing it since he was 15 (now in early 30's), masturbating once a day till we started going out seven years ago when it decreased to 'minimal'. I know this is probably really common, but as a Christian I was bought up believing pretty strict things about sex (most of which I threw by the wayside during my teenage years), so masturbating in marriage was pretty abhorent to me, but I understand it more for single people.

I know by now you're probably outraged by my views but that's what they were till a few hours ago when I started looking up masturbation on health websites and wikipedia!! I realise that it's extremely common and beneficial (I did it when I was trying to induce labour with our son, so I've done it before), but my concern is the long term ramifications on our marriage i.e. use of pornography (he doesn't have any mags that I know of, he mainly does it in the shower which explains the long showers and why he uses so much soap!), infidelity, fantasies about other women, and most concerning is our own long term sexual relationship

We have regular (2-3 times a week depending on work shifts), great sex with both of us climaxing and I guess I just don't understand why 1. this may not be enough & 2. why would he have fun in the shower in the afternoon (after a work shift) when I'm a willing party just a few hours later once our 18month old goes to bed. We mutual masturbate each other as part of foreplay which I love I love my husband immensley and am so proud that he's had the honesty to admit this. He is ashamed about it but I'll show him Wikipedia and a few other sites so he doesn't feel so bad

Do you have any tips or info about how I can make this a healthy part of & strengthen it our relationship, and help me accept it?? (you can see my views have definately changed to how I used to view masturbation). Also, how much is too much? I would say he has 'long showers' 3-4 times a week. And would more love making decrease the amount of times he needed to relieve himself? I was his first girlfriend when he was 26yrs old, so he had a good few years by himself (very shy person)

Thankyou so much for reading this email, and being willing to help out with these things. It's not something I would be able to talk about with anyone in person, as this is a very private issue for my beautiful husband, but I needed to put it all down and ask someone with lots of experience with sexual health. Please don't think badly of me for my former views, and many thanks.

Dear T,

I admire your honesty and desire to understand. Please spend some time on our website reading about sex from all points of view. We don't often get Christians asking for information about masturbation or sex in general for that matter. I applaud you.

It will help if you can see masturbation as different from sex with a partner. We have free rein to focus on our own sensations and to explore different fantasies which I believe is at the heart of creativity. Going within to explore our sexual mind is a positive activity. You might enjoy reading my book "Sex for One" where I support masturbation as a healthy and necessary activity especially for married couples who want to remain monogamous. Sex with ourselves offers a bit of variety that I feel is important in sustaining a long term relationship. I also support the use of fantasy which is again engaging the creative part of our brain. As for frequency, again once a day is quite common. Actually a man who is actively masturbating is often a better lover when it comes to partnersex. Yes, definitely get my book and read it together. Let go of any guilt. That is the most destructive element of all in any relationship. I think you're doing great. Keep up your positive attitude about sexual self-loving. It belongs to all of us.

Dr. Betty